Look away

I look away...

Okay, bare with me. The prologue has an odd point of view. A mix of 1st and 2nd but just hang on.

Note there is no connection to this story or the Stopwatch collection

I look away from those who remind me of you... Because I know they aren't my Baby boy.

I look away from your possessions knowing that they will never be used by their owner again.... But I don't have the courage to put them away, or hide them from view. I'm afraid I might forget you if I dare hide your memories away.

I look away from your side of the bed, because I know I'll never wake up to see you sleeping next to me. I know your side will forever be absent of your warmth, just as your calming, clean scent has long faded away from our pillows.

I look away from the news papers, their headlines still questioning where their New York hero has gone.

I look away from your team mate's expressions, knowing they must blame me for your death. I know I do. I wasn't there to save you. My life is expendable, no one other than you cared and now you're gone.

I look away guiltily from your other self hanging in the closet. The empty mask staring blankly into nothingness, waiting for the spider to comeback and save the world again. Web cartridges refilled from when you had planned on coming back after your return.

It look away from your Aunt, your only family when she insists on visiting. I always sit waiting for her blaming words that never come....Instead I only receive her motherly comfort and tears before she leaves. Once again leaving me completely alone with nothing but teasing reminders of your absence.

I look away from myself in the mirror. Without you all I can do is focus on the ugly, scared, monster. All I can hear is the frenzied craze of insanity inside my head. You had been my reason to love, to live. You had shown me how to appreciate myself again, but without you I have no reason to. You had loved me, you told me everyday and yet sometimes I would doubt your beautiful words. I regret ever having such thoughts. I know you would have never lied to me.

. . .

Only now I look away from you. I can see you in the reflection of the mirror, staring at me sadly, in disappointment.
I know it's not you. It's only one of the many hallucinations that plague me. The longer you stay away the worse they've become... You only ever have come to leave me even more so broken and desperate when your image disappears. You always retreat to my mind, fading from sight because I can't stop torturing myself with you.

I try to look away when you call my name, only to have your hand gently turn my face to look at you.

I glance away from your eyes, because I know you're supposed to be dead. You have been dead. Even when your warm hand cups my cheek I still look away. This is only a cruel creation my mind that should soon pass.

"Wade please look at me." You say ever so gently. I can hear your concealed fear as I continue to reject your presence. You're just an image. A mirage that will dissipate the moment I give in.

...But I'm weak. So I look.

Our eyes meet, dark against light. I could never resist a request from you. My eyes meet my Petey's once again. Staring into the deep ocean green irises. The small wisps of white and grey disrupting the pattern of the waves.

" I wish you where here." I say quietly. " I'm so sorry. I should have been there. It's my fault you're not here. Truly, actually here." I say, my eyes taking in your beautiful face before it can vanish from my sight. It doesn't.

" Wade I am here." You say, your eyes filled with so many confusing emotions I can't place and focus on just one.

I shake my head gently. I know my Peter never lied, but this isn't the real Peter... This isn't my Peter.

" Wade. I'm really here." You insist but I know better then to believe. I saw your cold body...

" I miss you so much. It's my fault you're gone. I'm sorry."

" Wade nothing's your fault. I'm right here." You say a little more desperately. Your eyes searching mine franticly as your hands move to grip my shoulders. " Wade you have to believe me. I'm here." My Petey insists.

" I don't know what to believe anymore." I whisper truthfully.