Look away

To just look away

"I- I. What? No Wade. You've been tricked. There's something going on. I'm not dead Wade, please, I promise I'm real. I'm right here. right here in front of you." Peter stuttered over himself, reaching out for Wade, needing something to hold onto. 

Wade hushed him, pulling Peter in closer so that the arachnid was pressed close to his chest as he shook his head. "Shh, it's okay," Wade repeated, losing his fingers in the mess that was Peter's hair as he held Peter firmly. It was so convincing. It would be so easy just to believe this was Peter. It felt 

Eventually, Peter calmed back down, clinging to Wade as he silently wept.

What if Wade was right? But then what would that mean if Peter was really dead? Was he not the real Peter? Was that why he couldn't remember anything? 

NO! No, that wasn't true. Peter knew Wade. He knew his boyfriend. He remembered things, just not he wanted to. He couldn't remember the first time they slept together, but he knew upon instinct that it had been amazing and hot. He could remember that Wade held him close and kissed his neck before he fell asleep. He remembered, he just couldn't see it in his mind. It was there, he could feel it was there, he was just drawing up a blank.

Wade calmed Peter's thoughts when he began to stroke Peter's hair. Wade didn't want to listen to the young man. He couldn't stand it to hear any more of the boy's confusing denial. It was cruel. A cruel, nasty joke his mind had put together. He just wanted Peter to be quiet. 

Before Peter could start to talk again Wade found Peter's shampoo and poured a small amount onto his hand before gently sudsing Peter's damp hair.

It was just so real. The way he could feel all the hair between his fingers, the way Peter was warmly pressed up against his chest. Maybe he was being given one last chance to say what he wanted . . . to make up for what he had missed that final day before Peter was taken away. 

There was no sound other than the sound of water spray hitting the tile and soft skin as the soap was washed away from Peter's hair. Even the voices in Wade's head where choosing t be silent in this delicate moment. Scared hands smoothed conditioner throughout Peter's thick, coffee colored hair before leaving it alone for the hydrating oils to soak in while he moved on to massage well-defined muscle belonging to the arachnid. Memorizing the feel of his Baby Boy under his hands, conveying his love through the gentle ministrations. 

" I love you, Peter. so much. And I really miss you . . .  And I'd promised that I'd never leave you. I Promised that I'd never disappeared, that I wouldn't leave you like everyone else in your life had. I knew someday that I'd have to let you go, but I didn't think it would have to be so soon. I'm starting to realize that I'm never going to be ready to accept that you're going to be gone forever one day. That one day you're going to even stop haunting me in my mind because so much time will go by that I'll forget the only one who ever loved me. I could have saved you, Peter. I shouldn't have left your side. I thought I was being a hero when I was trying to save them . . . But I don't want to be a hero. It cost me my care in life. I shouldn't have listened. I should have kept my promise to you and stuck next to your side. I could have saved you." Wade confessed as he pulled Peter flush against him in a hug, ignoring the slick feel of conditioner on his cheek.

Peter blinked in surprise as Wade spoke, grasping for something to say when he looked down at Peter with glistening eyes.

"You've never left me. You're here now." Peter managed to whisper.  

" Yes, I did. I listened to you when I shouldn't have. You don't remember because my mind is choosing not to let me accept what happened. I've been to enough people to know why you keep denying it. Why you keep trying to tell me you're here... Just please stop. I Know you're not. I know I'm just trying to cope"

At some point, the water is shut off when Peter pulled away from Wade just enough to look up at him with dark green eyes. "Wade. I really am not a part of your imagination. Ther are no tricks or hallucinations. Just me." 

"Just stop. Please, Peter." Wade said, retracting away from Peter. "you're not mine anymore." Peter belonged to Death now. 

The arachnid watched his Boyfriend step out with wide eyes hat threatened to release dammed up tears as a result of his building frustration. He's not gone. He's right here, he didn't die. Peter sniffed as he moved to follow the Merc, pushing aside the curtain and stepping over the side of the tub and onto the fuzzy rug below. Peter tried to ignore the pain that was brought to him when Wade refused to hand him a towel or even look at him as the man left the small, warm room. Peter dried himself off quickly before wrapping the towel he'd grabbed for himself around his waist to follow after his Lover.

Wade didn't understand why the dream was being so consistent, why he insisted on torturing himself with the realistic images of his Baby Boy. He needed it to stop. 

[ You wouldn't have to worry about it anymore if you ended it. Forced your mind to stop it's own little game. ]

( But then we might lose our chance to show him how much we love him.)

[ This isn't him anyway. He'll disappear the moment the bullet goes through your head. He won't be here to torture you anymore.]

" Wade?" Peter questioned from somewhere behind him.

Blue eyes stare down at the pistol in his hands. He could end it. Make this pain and all the guilt a little easier to bear without his boy there.

"Peter. I love you."  Wade said, not looking back at Peter. " I-I'm sorry, " he added one last time. The final words meaning so much just before he pulled the trigger of gun hed shoved under his chin.

....

Peter never knew he could make such a horrifying sound until after he watched his love's brain splatter over his skin.