My Beautiful, Smashed, Conplicated Heart

Chapter 5

I continued to blow off telling Erica until the night before the formal. I started picking out the right dress and shoes. I finally came upon a green, sparkly halter dress and black high heels with glittering diamonds on them. I flopped onto my bed and began thinking about everything thats been happening for the past few weeks. I felt horrible. Suddenly the tune of "Love Somebody" by Maroon 5 blared,i thought i was going crazy but i realized it was only my phone. i seriously have the change that ringtone i thought.

"Hello???"

"Hey, it was that sweet smooth voice again.

"Hello Miles" i replied, Come to make my life worse than it already is?"

He sighed, "look Kay i didn't mean to make you angry so just chill, clearly prom is stressing you out"

"me?? who's the one who forced me to go on a date with you and kissed me..."

"Woah i didn't make you do anything you didn't want to do i thought thats what you wanted"

I stopped, then finally said, I like you Miles, I really do... but things are just so complicated."

"How?"

"They just are... cause of Erica and Jessica being your ex...."

"Kay they gotta move on you can't just do things to make other people happy, what about you? you need to do things that make you happy to. Think of youself for once and stop trying to be a people pleaser.

I was shocked by Miles words, but he was totally right.

"Well i guess i will go to prom with you"

"Good, pick you up at 8?"

"Sure, see you then"

There was a faint laugh, then he hung up.

I was dazed, in a complete dream, everything went from in the dumps to perfect and i couldnt be more happy. But Jessica what would she think? I mean she was fine her and Miles broke up but if she knew the real reason... that Miles broke up with her for me... i just can't , when she sees me at the prom with Miles my life will be officially over.

The next day I tried to just keep to myself and eat lunch alone. I couldn't continue like this. I went to go find jessica, this was the only way that I could at least have a clear conscience. Maybe she wouldn't be mad at all? Yeah right. So I swallowed an ounce of courage and walked up to jessica, slowly, very slowly. "Hey" the word slipped out of my mouth and I instantly regretted it. "Hey Kay, what's up?" Jessica said cheerfully.

"Well I needed to talk to you...."

"About what?"

"Well, I paused, I was really nervous, I know it's been hard for you with the break up with miles but i think..."

Jessica cut me off. "Yeah but I'm so happy, miles said he made a big mistake and wants to get back together!" She exclaimed.

My mouth dropped, "but Jess miles just finnished asking me out and asked me to the formal and we had a date and it was really nice...

"What? He asked you out? And you said yes? You know how I felt about him how could you Kay?!"

I felt panic. Oh no what am I going to do? What have i started? All this over a guy who didn't even care about me? Who was a complete player? How could I be so stupid? I felt ashamed and embarrassed and hurt all at the same time.

"I am so sorry Jess I never meant to hurt you it wasn't worth it, I promise there's nothing going on between me and him anymore, were done, over there's still a chance for you two"

"Yeah but you betrayed me I'm your best friend, I just can't right now. He obviously likes you, you go be with him."

"That's not what I want Jess, he doesn't deserve a sweet girl like you, you gave him your heart and instantly he returned it back so he could come and steal mine"

I burst into tears. "I'm so sorry I wanted to tell you and I was wrong I should've trusted my gut. He obviously is a jerk who's been playing both of us, he doesn't care who he hurts."

"I just feel like I wasn't good enough, like he needed something I didn't have."

"Jessica that's not true, he's not worth your time and effort, and we can't let a guy get between us"

"Your right, your my best friend the last thing I want to do is lose you, i know your sorry"

We hugged each other and smiled.

What a huge mistake I made. How could I be so naive? This time

I'll guard my heart and only my true love will be able to open it.

The week went by fast,and then days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months.

Two Months Later..

i felt guilt and sadness and i just felt completely like a FOOL! A lot had happened; Jessica forgave me, her and her ex boyfriend Dean had somehow managed to get back together?! and This new girl named Destiny just showed up at my school, her and Erica automatically became best friends and Destiny didnt like me so she made it that me and Erica couldnt hang out at lunch. so eventually we drifted apart a little bit and finally i told her how i felt and how destiny was mean. Well Erica took Destiny's side and went on how Destiny was such a better person than me. Oh yeah telling someone you hate them is just bully language for lets hang out? yeah right. so i did what i had to do i just yelled at Erica telling her things i never had the guts to do when i was her friend i couldnt take it anymore, i hated the person Erica had become. Three weeks later Erica started getting to my friends, like a deadly virus, saying stuff about me trying to get my friends to turn on me. i shouldve just avoided that and just kept peace with Erica by remaning her friend, keeping my mouth shut and her hanging out with Destiny, not beng such a huge part of me life. But the one time i get the guts to speak it it turns into a whole, new direction.

i walked silently down the hall, just staring like i was in a trance. half alive, still breathing but empty inside. "This was going to be a long depressing year.." I thought. how did i get to such an awful state. Well for now this story doesnt have a happy ending, i didnt get the guy or the great new start i wanted, i didnt expect this to take such an awful turn. But thats life i guess. Sometimes things start going well for a little while but life is like a rollar coaster, not all of it can be full of happiness. the world isnt perfect and neither are the people in it. There are consequneces for our actions. There our obstacles put in our path so that we can learn to overcome them.

I sat down thinking for a long long time, wondering if things would get worse or things would eventually get everything I ever wanted. Or better yet i could get my life back and things would go back to normal.

I felt lonely, like everybody was laughing at me even though no one knew.

I just need at least one friend as a shoulder to lean on. Miles said he was always on my side but i couldnt trust him again.

I looked out the window of my dark, empty house, i didnt bother going to formal and humilliate myself more than i already have.

Wait a minute, if i just sit here giving up, nothing will change nothing will happen, but i have the power to change it, If i go out and do something about it then i can fix this. There's  always a light at the end of the tunnel waiting to be found.

I grabbed my leather jacket and ran out the door, i was going to change things, life cant bring you sadness without you giving permission. "i ran and ran and just as i turned the corner i slammed right into someone. But it was a boy, a handsome boy, around the same age as me, his blonde hair was perfect in every way, His blue eyes gleamed as they smilled and as he said "Im so sorry?" appoligectically. It was love at first sight. something i never experienced. my life would turn around

I watched the boy walk
Away.well more like a man he looked around 18 . My heart did this weird pidder patter motion. This isn't the end of the beginning. This is the beginning of the end.