Backfire | Harry Styles AU COMPLETED

Chapter Forty Three

Harry

I watch Adelina's face fall drastically, the color in her face draining completely. She looks away from me, her jaw slack yet she stays silent, not knowing what to say. I don't expect her to know what to say though, this being our first conversation after almost two months of being apart. One month, three weeks and four days. But who's counting right?

"How?" Addie croaks, her voice shaky as she holds back tears. She never met my father but after I told her he cheated on my mum, I'm not sure she ever wanted to.

My heart rate quickens as I picture his body laying across his bed, the note on the bedside table, the empty bottle of pills. I never pictured him going that way, he was always so happy when I was with him.

"Suicide." As the simple, yet powerful word slips off my tongue she gasps, clinging to me with all she has. My eyes well with tears but I tell myself not to cry, for they have shed far too many over the past couple weeks.

Adelina's body shakes as she curls herself into me. I don't think she is crying because of the loss of my dad per say, but she is crying because of how I feel. Adelina's always been that way; To care so deeply about others she feels what they feel. What a blessing and a curse.

"Addie, don't cry. Everything will be okay." I comfort her, running my hands through her tangled hair. I look down at her and smile slightly at the irony. Here I am comforting her, when I'm the one that just suffered a loss. Yet I don't mind, it's nice to have her in my arms again.

She looks up at me, those big brown eyes staring into my own so deep I force myself to look away. With that one look she will have me hooked all over again and that scares the shit out of me. I'm not scared of loving her, I'm scared of hurting her again. Adelina is too pure for that, she doesn't deserve that, or me.

"Who found him? When was it? How is the rest of your family holding up?" She asks, her mind running at a mile a minute to get the answers she wants. Typical Addie.

I take her hand and move her to the wooden bench, tired of standing in the middle of the train station. I shiver and so does she, and I carefully put my arm around her. I don't want to move too quickly and scare her away.

"My sister found him, she was the only one home. I was in Manchester at the time and she called me screaming. I didn't know what was wrong, or if she was hurt. But I finally made out what she was saying and I went home as quick as I could. My mum is devastated yes, but she can't forget what he did to her. My sister is the one torn up the most about it, mainly because she's the one that found him. It's just crazy how this all happened so suddenly. Like everything was fine one day, and then the next it's like my world is crashing down around me." Adelina's eyes search my face the whole time I talk and she nods occasionally as she takes in my words. Yet the only thing keeping me from crying all over again was the pad of her thumb running up and down my hand.

She moves back slightly to get a better look at me. "I don't even know what to say. I can't begin trying to imagine what it would be like only having one parent. I know you weren't that close with him but still, he was one of your inspirations to write music and now he's gone. I don't understand why he wasn't happy, or how he could be so selfish to do that to your family, but I hope he is in a better place now."

It's nice to hear her ramble again, even if it is over something as tragic as my fathers death. "It was incredibly selfish for him to do that to our family. I just wish I could have gotten him help, and then maybe he'd still be here." I tell her. It's nice to have someone that will actually listen to me talk.

"It's not your fault, don't ever think that. There was something in him that wasn't happy and only that person can control their happiness." Addie definitely knows what to say, which is why I think she wants to be a therapist so bad. She loves helping people and she's so good at it too.

I picture Addie in an office with white leather couches and colorful pillows. A client telling her about their problems while she chews on her fingernails, that's when you know she's really listening. She is going to be so wonderful.

"You're staring at me with that look in your eyes." Addie says, breaking me out of my thoughts. I feel my cheeks heat for some odd reason. What the fuck? Am I blushing?

I laugh and push my hair back with my fingers. She still continues to look at me with raised eyebrows and I struggle with something to say.

"I zoned out." I lie with a shrug. I've always been a terrible liar.

Addie rolls her eyes, "am I already boring you?"

I stick my tongue between my teeth, "yes. I could fall asleep right here. Do you mind if I use your lap as a pillow?" She laughs as I begin to move to lay on her, but she gets up just before my head hits her thighs.

"Nice try, Styles." The brunette's hands on her hips and her head is cocked to the side, looking me up and down. She's trying so hard to keep a straight face but her smile breaks through, making my heart beat even faster. God dammit she is so beautiful I think it physically hurts sometimes.

"Come on, you love it when my head is in between your thighs."

Addie's face drops and a light gasp falls from her lips. I regret the words as soon as they come out of my mouth. We're not dating anymore, I can't just say shit like that whenever I please.

"I'm sorry." I spit, moving closer to her. I expect her to move away but she stays frozen in place, watching me carefully. Knowing Addie, her mind is racing right now but she will stay quiet, knowing I will make the first move.

"Say something, please."

She steps closer to me, which is surprising. "What is there to say, Harry? I haven't seen you in almost two months and you say some shit like that when we're supposed to be mourning your dad."

Her response sparks anger in me and I close the gap in between us even more. "What am I supposed to say then? Do you think this is easy for me? It's not Adelina, because every time I look into your eyes I'm reminded that I left you and it was the worst mistake I've ever made." I yell, not caring how loud my voice gets, there's no one around.

"I waited for you. I waited for a text, a phone call, or something to show up outside of my dorm since you're so good at doing that, but I didn't hear anything. I had to see things in the magazines and online about who you're hooking up with and what clubs you're going to. How do you think that made me feel?" Addie yells back, making our faces mere inches apart. I'm speechless at her response. She's exactly right, I didn't try, I didn't do anything. I wanted her to feel the hurt I was feeling and that was so wrong of me. And now I see that I've lost her by doing something that stupid.

Adelina turns at the lack of response she's gotten from me. Just as she starts to walk away I grab her wrist and pull her back to me.

"Harry what are you doing?" She whispers, searching my face with her eyes.

I bite my lip, "I have no fucking idea, but I'm just going to do what feels right."

Addie opens her mouth to talk but I cut her off by grabbing her face and pressing my lips hard against hers. A strained noise comes out of her mouth but almost instantaneously her lips start to move against my own. I grab her waist and press her body against mine. Instinctively she runs her hands through my hair and I feel myself getting turned on by the simple action. That shows how long it's been since I've actually been turned on.

She pulls away with wide eyes. My heart is beating out of my chest and as I look at her I know I've never seen anyone more beautiful.

"That's what felt right, huh?" Addie asks, a smirk forming on her face.

I roll my eyes and pull her into my side, "kissing you will always feel right."

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PLEASE DONT BE MAD AT ME. SCHOOL HAS LITERALLY BEEN KICKING MY ASS. HERE IS AN UPDATE FOR YOU ALL, I HOPE THIS MAKES UP FOR IT

xoxo, Amelia