A week later
"And that helps you?"
"No."
"What kind of dreams do you have?"
"Dreams where i see him, where I'm happy"
"Isn't that good? That you see yourself happy?"
"No."
"Why is that, Lexi?"
"Cause when i wake up it's gone, all gone, nothing of that happiness left."
Miss. brooks wrote something down and nodded "and-" she started
"I waited for days to hear back from him" I started with tears in my eyes feeling nervous "then I realised I was never going to hear back from him ever again." I whispered
Brooks nodded "I want you to do something" she said grabbing a notebook
"I want you to write in this whenever you feel like you have to tell me something and I'm not there, you can write that down here" she said pointing at the notebook "and at the end of the week you'll read it for me okay?" She asked
I nodded slowly "you can also wrote thoughts, and moods, also how you feel in that exact moment, try to write everyday, you can decided how many times a day." She said standing up
I stood up as well, she handed me the note book and shook my hand "we are finished for today, call me at the end of the week." She spoke with a friendly smile "I will, thank you." I said heading out of the door with the notebook in my hand
Becky stood there with a small smile
"How you feel?" She asked me
"I don't know."
- van's pov
"Emily" I chuckled as she brushed her hand again through my hair "you leaving again tonight so let me enjoy this moment" she laughed taking a sip of her glass of wine
I looked at the time "I gotta go, em" I said kissing her "when are you back?" She asked
"Next week." I promised "good." She smiled
I didn't know how to feel about Emily, I just couldn't fall in love with her
She wasn't the girl of my dreams
Of course I liked her and i liked being with her but she knew i didn't love her and she was okay with that i suppose
Hugged her and walked to the door
"One last kiss" she giggled pulling me in
I kissed her lips softly and smiled
"I'll see ya' in a week" I nodded walking out of the door "don't forget to call me!" She said
"I won't!" I said
Twenty minutes later i landed in a bed of a hotel "you two seem to get on really well" Larry said "you know how i feel about her mate" i sighed "mate, if you want lexi back, you gotta call her first" he said "alright ladsss!" Bondy yelled walking into the hotel room
"We are heading back to the U.K. for reading and Leeds and Glastonbury in a few days" bondy grinned sitting next to me "since when?" I asked Larry with a confused expression "you didn't know?" Larry asked i shook my head
"Now we all know, how's up for a round?" Bondy said clapping his hands towards
"I'm in" Larry said standing up
"And you lid?" Bondy asked "not in the mood sorry lads" I said shaking my head
They headed out of the hotel room leaving me alone with my thoughts
- Lexi's pov
"London?" I asked "I miss me family" Becky said i nodded "I totally get that" I whispered
"So i was wondering if you would like to come with me?" She asked smiling
I burst out of laughing "London? Nah mate" I said "why?" She asked "don't like London" I said "it's only for a couple days" she said
I sighed "you lucky i love you" I said
A couple days later we went to London
I couldn't stand my thoughts anymore
I needed to see van, but i knew it was the best to not see him
That evening i called my psychologist
"Hello Lexi! Are you feeling alright?" She asked i looked around the hotel room
No of course not "i have been thinking.."
"Yeah?" She asked
"I want to see van" I said there was a long silence before she spoke "oh, what changed you're mind?" She asked "I-I don't know i just want to talk with him i need him here" I said
"I don't believe that is the best thing you could do right now Lexi, you need time to work on yourself and he doesn't makes it better, your happiness doesn't depends on a person" she said, but it did, it was depending on a person
"Alright yeah" I said looking at my feet
"Did I help you Lexi?" She asked
"Yeah yeah very much thank you" I lied
Becky walked into the hotel room
"Well, I'll see you at the end of the week Lexi! Stay safe" she said "thank you." I said before hanging up "who was that?" She asked
"My psychologist" I whispered "what's wrong?" She asked sitting down "i wanna go home, Becky" I whispered she nodded "you know, I totally get that, I'm sorry for taking you to London" she said "it's not your fault" I sighed
"Yes it is" she whispered
The next day i said goodbye to Becky and looked at my phone
I called van
"Hello?" He said
"Van" I whispered with tears in my eyes walking down the street
"Lexi?"
"I need you." I whispered
"Where are you?" He asked "London."
"Okay I'll be there as soon as possible"
"Where are we meeting?" I asked
"Heathrow."
I got a cab 3 hours later and arrived at London's airport heathrow.
I messaged van saying that i was there
40 minutes later i saw a taxi coming my way
The door opened revealing van i swallowed
"Lexi" he whispered I walked towards him hugging him "I missed you so much"
- van's pov
I picked her up from heathrow and hugged her like her mother would "I missed you so much" i whispered kissing her cheek
We stepped into the cab minutes later
I really did miss her
I brought her to a hotel i sat down next to her while she sat in the bed "what's the matter, love?" I asked her studying her face
"I can't do this anymore, van" she whispered
"What?" I asked her "we broke up and i keep thinking about you van" she started
"I don't want that to happen" she whispered tears rolling down her cheek
I swallowed knowing i really broke her
"I- I listen i didn't mean to do this to you i love you Lexi, I fucking love you so much that every second i don't spend by your side that's a waste of time in my mind" I said
She grabbed a note book out of her bag
I looked at it "Becky forced me to see someone to talk about you." She whispered carefully
"A psychologist or something?" I asked
She nodded "I needed to write things down this week, thoughts, moods, things that came into my mind, they are mostly about you" she said handing me the notebook "I want you to keep it and read it" she whispered looking at me
I didn't say anything all i wanted was to hear her voice "I need to get over you van, but i somehow can't" she said talking louder
"I just can't" she whispered standing up
She closed her eyes "I don't even know why i am here" she sighed opening her eyes
"You needed me, you said" I said
She turned around to look at me "Why are you doing this to me" she whispered with tears falling for her eyes, she may seemed crazy to anyone else but i got her, i understood her
and i looked and looked at her, and I knew, as clearly as I know that I will die, that I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth she could fade and wither but I didn't cars i would still go mad with tenderness at the mere sight of her face
I stood up and leaned in
Leaned in further
Until my lips were on hers
"Van" she whispered in the kiss
But I didn't respond, she kissed back
But it somehow felt wrong, it felt wrong cause my lips were on Emily's a couple days ago
I wasn't like this, this wasn't me
We broke away after a minute and looked at each other
"I have to go to Leeds tonight we're playing reading and Leeds tomorrow night, could you please do something for me?" I whispered
"What?" She asked
"Come with me."
We walked trough the streets of London
"Where are those taxis" she sighed
"West end" I said intertwining my hand with her hand "we should be almost there then"
We walked for another 5 minutes and arrived at west end i watched her walked towards a cab and i realized ; she was a different league and i was nothing much.
"Van ya' coming?" She chuckled stepping in
I nodded walking towards the cab hopping in
"To heathrow please" I said to the man
-Leeds
"Yeah yeah- I'm sorry" Lexi said calling with Becky, she was always the one peppering up her best friends "yeah that's good- alright thank you- love you" she said ending the phone call "we're here" I said standing up
"Leeds" she whispered "haven't been here in a while" i said looking at her
She smiled and grabbed my hand
"I missed you" she whispered "I missed you too"
-
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Thanks for reading!
