Oasis: Time Flies...

The Girl in the Dirty Shirt

She sits and stares straight ahead, she always does. Same bench, same position, every single day. Bet she doesn't even know what she's staring at, it just doesn't matter cos she's broken. She has to be, don't she? She sits there day in, day out in the same old shirt; she had an unzipped coat over it today. Headphones covering her ears, blocking out the world. Hardly ever thinks to move, to eat or sleep or live, all there is, is the next breath and that's not a choice.

Every time I saw her there I wondered why? She was young, like twenty or something, she couldn't have experienced that much pain already, surely not. I wasn't nosy and I wasn't going to ask but still I always took interest. She didn't look like it was drugs I've seen people spaced out on heroin, eyes rolled back and all that or high on other stuff but that's not it with her. Never even seen her with any booze, not that I've been watching, fuckin' stalking her.

I sat next to her on the bench, fuck knows how she sits here all the time, the bench was cold and hard, the air had an icy chill to it. She didn't seem to notice me at all so I spoke.

"Hey." I didn't know her name or I would've said it.

That got me nowhere so I repeated myself with a less gentle tone.

Still no response so I tried to see what she was staring at, I knew she wasn't actually staring at anything but still I had a look. We were in a park there wasn't really much more than trees, grass and a housing estate in the distance, nothing interesting, no wonder she always looked so dead in the eyes.

I wasn't around here much anymore. Manchester was the place I grew up but I moved on in spectacular fashion. This place was home though, always. Being back, it gave me a sense of warmth, belonging that I never felt the first time around. It was so peaceful, no one mithering you so I walked it around here a lot when I had the time.

"Hey." I repeated louder. "Are you alright?"

Still nothing. I should get pissed off cos she's ignoring me but she's not, not really, she's just in her own bubble. It was like she was sat up in a coma but with her eyes wide open, I only knew she was breathing cos you could see it in the air. I couldn't decide whether to walk, leave her to it or to tap her shoulder, force her to take notice.

Before I knew it, consciously decided, I felt my hand make contact with her coat, lightly patting her upper arm. "Hello."

She blinked, more than the involuntary type, that was her biggest response so far. I was getting somewhere; progress is progress and all that.

I tapped a bit harder thinking she'd look at me or snap out of whatever she was in. "Bit cold out here."

She pulled her hood down, took off her headphones, placing them on her lap and turned her head just enough to look at me. "Yeah."

"Why you sat out here then?" Shit, I didn't mean to start asking, it wasn't my business, I just meant to check if she was alright.

"It's good to feel something." she said with a monotonous voice, she certainly didn't sound like anything was good.

"Are you not freezing your balls off?" I asked, obviously she didn't literally have balls but I did and it was genuinely that cold. "I am."

"No, you get used to it."

"What's your name?"

She shrugged pretty lethargically; it was too much movement for her. "Doesn't matter."

It did matter, if anything mattered about a person it was their name but I wasn't going to make her argue her case. "Alright. What's over there?" I pointed in the direction she always stared in.