Crusade ~ World from Ashes {Complete}

8

I don't know when it was that Erik left me. I was sprawled out on the floor, naked and in pain. One thing was for certain, he'd made sure that he'd left before Ryker would come to see me, if he came at all. My body was on fire. The sickness I felt in the pit of my stomach almost rivaled that of how I felt when using Crusade. I hated the drug so much that despite being in such a situation, I didn't even use it.

I was pathetic.

With what Erik did to me... I was even dirtier than before.

Self hatred seethed at the back of my mind. No matter what, it all came down to being my fault. I could have said no when the men in suits came and asked me if I wanted a better life, a better chance in a world that was crumbling to ashes around everyone else. Instead, I followed after them and when the tests started, I could have escaped. I could have fought back against them with the drugs they'd given me. Turned their own creation onto them, but I didn't. I could have used Crusade to break Erik's neck, but I didn't.

Because I was afraid.

Taking a deep, shaking breath I bit my lip so hard that I felt it split and blood pooled onto my tongue. Only then did I move, the pain in my mouth waking me up somewhat from my half broken state on the floor. The blood on my lips was sure to get Ryker's attention too. As I stumbled to my feet, I felt pain in my lower back and dropped back to my knees on the floor with a gasp. Another shock of realization washed through me. If Ryker saw the split lip, he would ask questions, which would lead to more questions none of which I wanted to answer.

What would he do if he found out that Erik had raped me? Would he do anything at all? I cursed myself. Of course he would. The problem was that with Ryker's short temper, he would definitely go after Erik. What he would do, though, I didn't know. I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Still, I couldn't tell him and if he found out... Caddac was sure to be pissed if Ryker just went after his brother.

Maybe Jace... I thought.

I immediately shook my head. No. He was just as much a live wire as Ryker was. Valkyrie? Maybe, but Valkyrie was sure to tell Tristan and then Ryker would still find out and then there'd be huge trouble. They still hadn't found the mark and moving wasn't really an option seeing as last time they did that it was apparently a bad idea. To top it off, having Caddac's group pissed off at Tristan's was a bad idea in the middle of their man hunt.

In conclusion... Ryker couldn't find out.

Which meant I had to take care of it myself. I took a breath and steadied myself on my hands and knees. God I picked a great time to start doing things on my own didn't I? After chiding myself, I managed to get up off the floor and get cleaned and dressed without too much hassle. It hurt like a bitch to bend over, but I forced myself to do so anyway. All that was left then was the cut that I had inflicted on myself. I couldn't heal like Valkyrie or Ryker could, I hadn't quite understood how to do that with Crusade, nor did I want to use the drug at all.

He was going to ask. I knew he was. I would just have to come up with something for the moment. Or just ignore him... I grimaced at the thought but it was an option. After all, we hadn't talked at all that morning. That or I just hadn't been paying attention, too lost in my own guilt to notice. That was also my fault. Not paying attention to the things going on around me. If I had been, I probably would have picked up on Erik's intentions far sooner and the incident would have been avoided.

Maybe.

I felt hot tears spreading down my face again and quickly wiped them away. Turning back to the room after getting rid of the evidence of having to clean away blood from his raping me, I spotted the towel on the floor, also stained with my blood. Grabbing it up off the floor in anger and hatred for my weakness, I threw it in the bathroom, stuffing it into one of the drawers I knew that Ryker wasn't going to go through. As I stood up gingerly, wincing in pain, the door to the room opened up.