5SOS Imagines and Preferences

You are addictive- C.H

THIS imagine made me frikin cry so just...read with caution. It's not dirty or anything but I mean...it's sad as frick.

!!!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!

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Calum is a very happy boy. Even when he's sad, he's happy. Except for this time. This time, he'd really fallen into a dark pit of depression. And there was no pulling him out.

"Calum? Calum please. Don't...don't do something crazy." I'd told Calum. I knew how sad he was. And I still feel like Shit to this day for letting him into that room. I shouldn't have done it. I really shouldn't have.

He'd been writing songs non stop for the past week, so-naturally-I thought he wanted some privacy in the restroom to write.

Calum always chose weird places to write his music. He found the smallest little things inspiring, things like a flower dying in a pot, he could stretch that into a three-and-a-half-minute song. And it could still be the best you'd ever hear. He was just so gifted.

After returning home late yesterday, tear stained cheeks and a pair of sunken on eyes, I'd been keeping a very close eye on him. He'd just recording a song called "A Story of Another Us" and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely and utterly worried.

The song had been about a couple, failing to hold themselves together. And eventually, after not being able to stay with each other, they separated. It was devastating to know my boyfriend, the boy I'd completely fallen for, was writing songs of such depth. Things that could happen to us. I was beyond worried.

So, after the realization hit me that he'd been in the restroom for about an hour, (which was longer than anytime he'd ever been in there writing or doing his business.) I went to check on him.

And when I tried to open the door, it was locked. So that's when I got really worried. I started yelling his name. Yelling for him to open the only thing separating me and the knowledge of his current situation. I had no clue what was happening. My mind went blank in fear. I was terrified.

No amount of fear ever came close to what I was thinking. And if my accusation were to come true, if I opened that door and he had hurt himself, I wouldn't be able to stand up straight.

"Calum! Open uo, please!" I screamed, I punched, I kicked. Then I remembered the axe in the closet, which was always kept in cold winter months for cutting firewood. I ran into the closet and grasped the wooden object tightly, swinging down onto the bathroom door and peeling the wood from its place and jumped into the room in urgency.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. Absolutely nothing. Not my thoughts of his pain. Not school. Not education. Not my parents. No one and no thing could ever measure to the type of physical and emotional pain that he caused me.

There, lying in the bathtub, was a pale Calum, slits that caused rivers of dark red were covering from his wrist to his elbows. There was a pen in his other hand, and note under his arm, and tears that still stained his cheeks.

I dropped to My knees. My chest ached, and it broke into uncountable pieces. Calum. Dead. In the bathtub. Nothing can make him come back. And that was just my first thought.

My second thought was what convinced him this was the best way out? Who on earth would push Calum to do these things? The happy boy I'd once known was dead and I didn't know who did it.

Then it hit me in the face like a house. I did it.

It makes sense, right? That's why he was writing all those sad songs? That's why he was avoiding me? That's why, even though I couldn't figure out why, he'd been coming home late? Calum committed suicide because of me.

But what had I done? What did I do that pushed him to do this? Calum no...

That's when I called 911. The realization hit me like a rock and I waited until curiosity got the best of me.

What did he write? Surely it's meant for me. If he wrote it in the bathroom then did...this? Its meant for my eyes only?

I gingerly and sneakily grasped the note from his arm and collapsed into him. I can't go on. Not without Calum. He's My everything. We were going to get married. We were going to have kids together, and a backyard, and a puppy, and it wasn't going to be a mansion, but we were going to have a family in a house we bought together.

I opened the note, my body was flushed against his still. Then my hands scanned over the paper and I began to read.

Dear Love,

I know by the time you see this, I will have taken my last breath.

The words I scribble down will no longer have a meaning to anyone in this world.

With a dying soul shall I let you read this.

This letter from Me is all you need.

Make this into a song, sing it for the boys. Make it your will.

Make my heart shine even under ground where I shall lie.

Show them that just because of death, does not mean the end.

But just a new chapter, in a new book. A new song means a New story.

So shine like I know you can. Breathe for me. And one day, we Will see each other again.

But make sure thiugh, Love, that you move on from me.

The dying truth lies with you, what shall you do with it?

Show the world or keep this hidden?

Please, at the least show the boys. I want them to know that my sadness is over and I'm finally happy.

I'm sorry I couldn't kiss you one last time, even through the songs I wrote, I know you thought it was your fault.

The fact of the matter is that it wasn't. It was not at all, Love.

Look up at the sky every night and tell me you love me.

Even if you don't hear an answer back I promised I responded with,

'I will always love you more,'

And even through the pain, know I'm always here.

Smile for me, Love. Smile for Calum.

- Forever and Always, Your Caly.

Tears were the only expression of my body. After that I blacked out. And I don't remember ever waking up...