snapchat ; phan

I'm such a failure

(2 years later)
I often wonder what happened. Where I went wrong. Why I didn't have the strength to save my heart eyes howell. Why I just left him. I left him. I. Left. Him. Why would I do that? Why didn't I call someone? I'm such a failure.

I also wonder what actually happened to Amanda. Whether she got out of that place or not. Whether that man came back to get her. Why I didn't go and do something about her. Why I didn't call the police. Why I didn't call an ambulance. I'm such a failure.

I'm such a failure.
I'm such a failure.
I'm.
Such.
A.
Failure.

The words penetrate my brain like a knife slicing through a piece of pity cake. Over and over again. I'm such a failure. I'm such a failure. Why. Why. WHY?
The picture of Dan's pale, gorgeous face inside that black-as-night coffin sticks in my mind like a still image. Like a melody that's stuck on replay.

I hate this. The constant daydreams - or dream nightmares - about that awful day I had to say goodbye. About the video I had to make telling them danisnotonfire said goodbye to the internet. They don't know what happened. I can't let them know. It would break them. Split their hearts in half like mine. I can't put then through the pain. It's too much. No doubt I'd get more hate than normal. They'd think it was all my fault. Ugh.

Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.
UGH.

I need to end this. I need to get justice for Dan. I need to go to Amanda. I need to kill Amanda. It's the only way I'll get any sort of closure on this situation.
Goodbye for now.
And goodnight Amanda...

I won't be such a failure anymore.

♡♡
SO this is the last chapter. I thought I'd give you some idea of what happened after it all. So Phil isn't going to be such a failure anymore? And goodnight to Amanda? Hope you enjoyed this phanfic and ily all for reading! I'm going to be starting a new phanfic very soon!
Byee
Ruby xo :)