Becoming Numb

Beginning

You've made a stupid decision.

You told him yes when you should have said no.

Your naivety has only just begun to bring you ruin.

.

You feel stuck inside a box. No car, no licence, no friends, no family, no help.

Your entire world is in his hands. The child you've made together sleeps in your arms, and yet every time you hear the words, "I'll be back before...." You already feel the weight in your chest.

He's never back by the time he says.

.

You're only 19 and yet he expects you to be the perfect mum.

When he's gone, you're so alone.

You cry and hate your life.

But what can you do?

.

Your fridge and cupboards are bare. You've only just settled into the new house. The tv only has 3 channels that work.

Your newborn is difficult, he won't sleep by himself, or he cries for you to carry him. Your back already aches from the extra weight and constant feeding in a hunched position. You hardly get a shower alone because the baby cries when you're gone. Daddy is hardly around to help.

You're alone in your motherhood.

.

Money is low but you both know that bills aren't going to stop coming. And yet what's a girl with a baby supposed to do?

He comes up with an idea.

You're desperate. You're too trusting. You think he knows what he's doing. You ask him questions and believe the answers he gives you.

He reassures you everything will work out.

We will have money.

You say yes,

Yes, you can deal drugs.