Why me [danisnotonfire] HIATUS

Three

"It's on Saturday, I'll meet you at your flat once I'm ready, okay?"

"Sounds good."

"Okay."

"Okay."

There was a long pause of silence. Neither of us had the strength to start a conversation back up. She was normally the one to talk, but when put into a situation like this, it's not easy to carry conversation. Like she had said once before; 'in person interactions speak to the mind more clearly therefore conversation will continue more easily.'

I heard her sigh deeply and take a deep breath.

"I'll see you on Friday. Bye Daniel."

"Bye."

I hesitantly pulled my phone away from my ear, eager to hear her voice once more.

•••

Tour was in 2 weeks. I don't know how I'm gonna survive like that. Being away from her, having to show happiness - for the fans. Performing, I just don't know.

Phil is leaving to America earlier than me because he wants to go to some event they have out there, I guess.

"Dan! I'm leaving!" Phil calls out. I lazily get up out of my bed and walk to where he is. He has two suitcases in his hand and is dragging them down the stairs. "Need help?" I ask with no emotion. It kinda sounded like a statement more than a question. "Yes, thank you." He smiles at me and continues his way down the steep stairs, me following close behind. Once we reach the bottom, I already know exactly what he is going to say. "Yes, I'll be okay." I answer for him. "Okay, see you soon." He hugs me quickly and walks out the door, already calling for a taxi.

Now that he's gone, I can have some alone time. I walk back up to my room and sit on my bed, just staring at the wall. That's when I loose it.

The tears spill carelessly out of my eyes. Like a river, going and going and doesn't stop. There is no end of the water that is flowing carelessly down that long stream. I sob, uncontrollably. To the point where I'm hiccuping and having to catch my breath. To the point where everything around me is blurred. To the point where I am empty, numb. My heart feels like there's a pound of bricks resting on top of it. I spend the rest of the day sleeping, crying and staring off into space.

•••

It's Friday. I'm supposed to be meeting her at a park, near a bunch of food places, awesome. Then again, food is our religion.

I see her, sitting on a bench just beside a beautiful Jacaranda tree. The purple really goes with her black outfit. She was always a really simple type. Black jeans, black shirt, converse. Rarely any color. Black was also her aesthetic, as you could say.

"Hey." I speak as I approach the girl that was once mine. "We need to talk." She says, quickly glancing at me and handing me my coffee. My heartbeat quickens, my palms form a layer of sweat. I hesitantly sit beside her on the metal bench. I nod, "What about?" She opens her phone and opens up her camera roll. "This," she says and hands me her phone. It's an album of pictures. Pictures that are special to me. Pictures of when we used to be something. Pictures of us. I scroll through a good amount of them. I want to smile, but I can't bring myself to do that, as these pictures remind me of when we were happy, before I neglected our relationship. Tears brim my eyes as I see a picture of her jumping off a wall and into my arms. Then another when I caught her after the jump. We were hugging, laughing, smiling. "What happened to us?" She asks. I look back up at her as a tear falls down her cheek.

I sit there, staring at the ground. There's two sides of my mind where there's the 'thoughts' side, and the 'verbal' side. And there's this huge wall separating the two. I'm stuck there thinking, standing in front of the wall. She's sitting at the top of the wall, encouraging me to switch sides. But her voice soon fades away as I realize I don't have the heart to switch to the other side. I can't climb that wall, it's too high. I try. I try everyday to get over that wall, but I'm just not strong enough.

I look up at her once more, tears brimming the corners of her eyes. She lets out a shaky breath and stands up. "Call me when you can think of something to say." And with that, she walks off, letting her empty coffee cup fall carelessly out of her hand and into the trash can.

Y O U

I still love him.

D A N

I get to my flat and shut the door, kinda loudly. I walk straight to my bedroom and do the same thing I did the other night. Cry until I fall asleep.

•••

It's the day of her sister's birthday. The day I've been dreading. She probably doesn't want to see me after what had happened yesterday...

*knock knock knock*

I finish straightening my hair as I hear knocking. I rush to the door, accidentally knocking over a plush Totoro on the way. When I open the door, she stands there in her casual clothes. Black jeans, black shirt, and black converse.

She smiles brightly, "Hi!" "Hey?" I ask, sorta confused at her sudden happiness. "So...? You almost ready?" She asks, slightly impatient as I can tell. "Yeah, let me just go grab my phone real quick." I run up the stairs and swiftly grab my phone off of the messy black and grey duvet.

*skipping the birthday party because 1) I'm lazy, 2) nothing would have happened*

That... was a weird party.

Hola people. Next chapter should be more interesting. This one just kinda... sucked. Anywho, hope you enjoyed.