They say a new year equals a new you, but the demons are still screaming inside of his head ten minutes before the ball drops. In his heart, he knows that they'll be there for long after it hits the ground and everyone departs.
He's at yet another college party, knowing that it's the only thing he could possibly doing tonight. On the other side of the locked door, loud music is blaring out of speakers, the sounds of the bass shaking the floor. People are dancing, talking, laughing, and drinking as they wait for the new year to arrive. The entire house is growing hotter and hotter from the large amount of bodies squeezed into one place and filling it with energy.
Outside of this room, people are planning out what they're going to do in the year ahead, the way they want to better themselves. He bites his lip as he realizes that that's one thing that sets him apart from them. While those people are having the time of their lives and figuring out how the next three hundred and sixty-five days are going to happen, he can't focus on anything more than getting out of this house and making it through the night.
He knew that it was a stupid idea to come before he left, and he's definitely regretting it now. The hole inside of his chest and the dark spot that has been filling his brain has been steadily increasing for the last week, and it's been scaring him to death. It feels horrible, like it'll get to the point it did four years ago. Like it'll get past that point, and something will actually happen to him this time.
He closes his eyes, wishing that he could push the thought out of his head.
Cassidy was right. He should've stayed instead of tagging along with her. She wasn't even here to really party all that much. She'd promised him that she was just coming to talk to Pete and Erin, since she knew they'd be here, and then she would be back by midnight.
Why was he such an idiot?
His stomach churned, and guilt made its way throughout his body. He'd forgotten that Cass was still out there. She was talking and laughing with Pete and Erin when it hit him that he needed to go. So he'd told her he needed to use the bathroom and ran into the first empty room he could find.
It's now been forty-five minutes, and he knows that she's probably noticed that he's gone. And right now, she's probably frantically looking around the house for him.
Nobody's going to know you're gone, the voice inside his head chimes in. They don't notice anyone who doesn't belong with them.
He sighs, knowing that the voice is right. But then his eyes shut as he realizes that his therapist would be disappointed to know that he's reverting back. After all of her hard work, it's all gone to nothing. He's falling back into the deep spiral that he's been in and out of.
Plus, if she or Cassidy finds out that he ran out of his medicine two weeks ago but still hasn't tried to get it refilled, it'll be even worse.
A knock on the door knocks him out of his train of thought. "Gabriel?" Cassidy calls softly. "Are you in there?"
"Yeah," he calls back, and stands to unlock the door. His heart rate increases with every step. He's screwed up again, and she's gonna be upset. But he unlocks it anyway and opens it to see an expression of relief on her face as she wraps her arms around him.
"I was so worried," she murmurs. "I didn't know where you'd gone."
"I'm so sorry," he replies. "I---I should've listened to you and stayed home. It just---it got really bad again and I couldn't be in there anymore." He pulled away and looked at her. "But I think I can go back out there if you want me to."
She shakes her head. "No, that's alright. I'll just stay in here with you."
"But Pete and Erin---," he began to protest. She cut him off.
"I can talk to them another time."
He nods, and she plops down in the floor, folding her legs in a suitable position and pulling on her dress, muttering something along the lines of "I need to burn this freaking thing when I get home." It brings a small smile to his face for a moment. Then he sits down next to her and places his hand over hers, and the silence fills the room again. The guilty feeling is still lingering, though, so he looks over at her and breaks it.
"I ran out of my medicine."
The expected response is a startled "When?" or an angry "Why didn't you say anything?", but then he remembers that it's Cassidy, and she's always gentle with him. So it isn't surprising when she simply nods and replies, "Okay. We'll go get a refill as soon as we can."
He doesn't deserve someone as good as her. He knows it in his heart, but he just can't let her go. Instead, he pulls her a little closer to him, and she rests her head on his shoulder as the dark place in his brain keeps growing. He knows that Cassidy can't be the one to save him. It has to be himself, and he's too weak for that. But knowing that she understands gives him a little more energy to make it through the valleys of his life.
All three of them are still sitting there when the ball drops, ending and beginning yet another year together: him, Cassidy, and the demon who had complete siege over his mind.
Suddenly, Cassidy turns to him. "Do you have a New Year's resolution?"
He thinks for a moment, and then he nods.
It may not happen this year, but he hopes he can live to see it happening. He hopes that the day will come when the third party will finally fade away, and only two will remain.
He hopes that it's the right two that make it in the end.
YOU ARE READING
Peaks and Valleys
General Fiction{Sequel to Project Smile} Gabriel Lancaster has had his fair share of ups and downs, especially throughout the last four years of his life. He's improved since his junior year of high school, but he still feels as if he's stuck in between the dark d...
