Peaks and Valleys

Two

Gabriel has been asleep for two hours now, and he isn't showing signs of waking anytime soon. Outside, heavy rain begins to fall, making me feel a little calmer.

There's no way that I'll be able to produce anything useful for the rest of the day. While I had time, I took down the Christmas tree, and all that I could think about was the last thing he said. The simple task should've taken me twenty minutes, but over an hour passed before I was done. I had to keep pausing to contemplate what he said over and over again, had to figure out a response, had to keep stopping so I could remind myself to breathe.

Now, sitting at the window and watching the rain fall from the dreary sky, I press my hand against the cold windowpane. Pain shoots up my tailbone from sitting on the floor for too long, but I ignore it. Shifting positions, I attempt to move off of it a little.

When I'm upset, I tend to remove myself from the world for a little while in any way that I can. Picking up a good book or watching a couple of movies until I'm ready to face what's troubling me head-on always makes me feel a lot better.

But when it's someone I love, someone who means the world to me, I fall prey to absolute helplessness. No matter how many times we go through this, I know that I can't do anything, and it absolutely tears me to shreds inside.

Slowly, I rise to my feet and walk over to the bed. He looks so peaceful with his blond waves messed up and a tiny smile on his face. I wonder what he's dreaming about.

I lean over and grab the free pillow carefully before moving to the foot of the bed and setting it down on the floor. Then I quietly move into the freezing closet, where I keep extra blankets on top of shelves. Shivering slightly, I pull down two and drag them back into the bedroom, spreading one out and pulling the other over me as I lie down.

This way, I won't wake him.

I turn over on my side, facing the wall. Listening to the rain is comforting, and I find myself about to doze off. My eyes snap open, only to feel heavy once more.

Alright, I think, shutting them again, just for a minute.

Clanging noises make my eyes snap open yet again, and I look around me. Everything is completely dark now, and not just because of the rain clouds. I stand quickly, whipping around and checking the clock on the nightstand.

6:57 p.m.

Crap.

I look over to the bed, searching for Gabriel's sleeping form, but he's not there.

Crap.

Maybe that clanging noise was him. I hope it was.

As I walk into the kitchen and see his lanky form gripping the side of the countertop for support as he rummages for something in the bottom cabinet, guilt floods through me. I was supposed to stay awake so I could take care of him, but when he needed something, I wasn't there.

"I'm sorry, Gabriel," I say, quickly rushing to help him. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

He turns to me, giving me a sweet smile. "It's okay. Do you feel better?"

The guilt only grows. I should be worried about him, not the other way around. But I make myself smile anyway. "I do. Do you?"

"A little. Though I'm still having a bit of a hard time standing," he admits.

"Why don't you sit down?" I ask, holding out an arm. "I'll guide you."

"I'm honestly fine, Cass. I promise." Though he's trying to be convincing, I know him well enough now to see right through him. He's slightly fidgeting, shifting his weight from foot to foot, and he's having a difficult time looking me in the eye.