Into the Realm: The Chronicles of Carter Blake, Book I

Chapter 5

1

I didn't mention the attack to anyone. I can't figure out why.

I must have gotten some of the creature's stench on me because Angriz told me in delicate terms about my odor. "Carter, you stink. Ask Keeper Dearbhaile to throw the soap at – I mean to – you, and head west of camp. There you will find a hot spring. Wash. Please."

"Hey, Angriz," I said.

"Yes, Carter?"

"Stop being polite and tell me how you really feel."

"Fine. I don't think I have ever smelled something so—"

"Alright!" I shouted with exasperation. "I get your point! I smell! I'm going!"

He had yet more. "Thank you, my friend. You have no idea how much that means to me!"

"You are an asshole," I said.

I glanced over my shoulder in time to see him try to hide a laugh. I asked Keeper Dearbhaile for the castile, and as soon as I had the cleanser, pegged it at Angriz' head. Right as the bar was going to collide with the back of his head, the soap stopped, tumbled in mid-air and flew back into my waiting hand.

"Please do nae play —" she began.

The soap bar flew back through the air on a perfect trajectory and slapped into the back of Angriz' head.

"With the soap, Carter." If her words had been any drier, I could use them to towel off.

"What the —?" Angriz said, rubbing the back of his head as he turned.

I didn't wait, but turned and ran for where he'd said I could locate the spring. The spring had formed a wide and deep pool. At the water's edge, something walloped me in the back of my head. The world rotated, and I landed in the hot spring. I surfaced, spitting water. Angriz' booming laugh sounded as if he stood nearby even though he was back in camp. I held him responsible for my sudden dunking, and cussed him under my breath, calling him everything but a half-dragon.

I pulled off my sodden clothing and tossed it to shore. My pants got caught in a tree. The tree appeared to be trying to put my pants on while they were upside down. I began to cackle at the absurdity of this thought. I thought of how I must have looked muttering under my breath like a crazy man, and laughed even harder. Soon, I guffawed about hitting Angriz with the cake of soap and clutched my ribs, so great was my amusement. I stopped when a twig snapped nearby. I submerged my body until all which showed above the water was from my upper lip to the top of my skull.

I hunted around with my eyes until I spotted Keeper Dearbhaile coming towards the water. I froze in shock as she began undressing, calm as could be.

"I'm still in here, Keeper Dearbhaile!" I shouted.

"I know," she replied, as she tossed her robe on a bush.

"What are you doing?" I said with some trepidation.

Okay, I admit, I only pretend to be smooth around the ladies. I always heard, "Fake it 'til you make it," and figured the adage applied to everything. I learned this doesn't work with women. Unless they somehow intuit I'm still fourteen.

"I be gettin' ready tae bathe," she said as if her logic was the most obvious thing in the world, and tossed her underwear beside the robe.

"Not while I'm in here!" I said, near panic. 'What if the worst should happen?'

"And why not? 'Tis only a bath. Elven bathe together all the time. 'Tis only natural. How else are ye goin' tae get yer back clean?"

I was unable to continue the argument because at this point, the full moon came out from behind a cloud, revealing her nude form. My mouth dried up and my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, entranced by my second sight of a live, nude female. Her soft brown hair was pulled back and twisted into a braid. Her pointed ears, revealed all the way for the first time, were not as surprising as I thought they'd be. Then again, I was distracted.