Cracking the Case of Emo (it's crack you fucking moron)

Chap 4

LAst time on anime!!

Patty got fuked up sm like damn mehoy menoy and Pete's just like "lmao" ok go

   Petey's pov:

   "Wow Yeezus just rose again." I was bein a frickin pimp at the frickin club at 2am the morning after I got Pat ran over whoops. But yeah I was all up playin The Life of Pablo in the club and drinking Guzz. What is Guzz? Idk but it's white, sticky, a man gave it to me in a sippy cup, and it tastes delicious tbh. I was wearing shades and pretending to be *whispers* African American. :O ur triggerd ik.

   I was havin fun but then I saw dis stupid asshole wearing a Ninjago green suit in the corner of me eyeball and I was like, "Aw hell yeah kinky." But he looked like he meant business, so I decided to just get tf outta there bc it was like 2am and I needed sleep like idc how much ass I'm getting I still need to snOOze. l:(

   But den he followed me??? And??? I??? Was??? Like??? Fuck off???

   I WAS AS FAST AS SANIC AND BOLTED OUTTA DAT JOINT LOL XD.

But he bolted too and I took out my glock (gratata 💯) and shot 'em dead in the head. Wow that rhyme was so original brb gotta write dat down.

...

...

Okay, back.

So anyway, the blood was soaking down his gay ninja suit. It was even coming out of his penis, which shouldn't make sense. Maybe it was a transplant or something idk... Oh yeah his dick WAS completely visible during this whole ordeal which makes it funny looking back on it.

Sirens were coming really slowly unlike at Popeye's which gave me sp00ks. I started RUNNING IN THE '90S and into a frickin' alleyway.

Then I realized, "SHIT I forgot to check on who just FOLLOWED me," and ran tf back but guess who was there????????????????????

The hecking cops.

Again fml.

"Drop yer glock or I'll rub my cock!" He screamed.

"Is that a threat?"

Then he walked up to me and spit his lukewarm yogurt on top of my lips. "Only if you want it to be..." he whispered.

"That is the gayest fucking mustache I've ever seen."

He smirked, then mumbled in his walkie, "Don't send backup." Then he dropped his pants. "Imma send my love cuz."

I gasped. "OH EM GEE I SAY CUZ TOO :3"

"Lmfaooooooo 👌🏻."

I looked down at the dead green man below me, and revealed his mask.

It was Bob Bryar.

Patty's pov:

Ded.

Lol fooled u.

I was really hoping I'd be ded though because man my life is a mess. *siiiiggggghhhh* Can't I just go back to 2004??????? *laugh track*

My cwippwing depwession started up again when I woke up STILL ON THE ROAD with nobody to come and save me :(

My Prince Charming Pete Wentz left me to eat my own shit on the pavement of a highway.

You may be asking why I wasn't still being run over wEll it's because traffic had started and everyone was chill and decided not to run me over and KILL ME WHICH IS WHAT I REALLY WANT IN LIFE.

I sighed again, realizing that none of my limbs actually worked. I couldn't eat at Waffle House anymore!!! FUCKING WAFFLE HOUSE...

Then, out of nowhere it seemed, guess who crashed my party??!? Chester Bennington!!! Y'know, the lead singer of Linkin Park!!!!!! fuckin idiot.

   I stared into my new daddy's tattoos with engagement and interest, with him also looking right at me.

   "Yo, you wanna ride?"

   "R-Ride to where?" Golly gosh, I was so nervous 😓😓😓😓😓😓😓.

   "Ride to places you've never been, ride to my GRANDMA'S HOUSE, RIDE TO THE GHETTO, RIDE TO A STRIP CLUB. C'MON, MAN!"

   He pulled me up slowly with his right arm. As I came up, my limbs started glowing bright. All my cuts were fading away. Was this magic? No, it was Chester Bennington.

   "Thanks, bee-yotch XD."

   "Np fam... But why'd you say bee-yotch?"

   I smirked a sly smile. "Because I'm gonna fucking kill you."

   He laughed.

   "Lmfaaaaaaoooooo I've heard jokes like that all the ti-"

   I took my lucky crobar located in the back of my hoodie and whacked both his knees with it. His cries sounded exactly like ear rape it was funny.

   "TF MAN I HELPED YOU?????"

   "Yeah, but see I play a lot of GTA5 and I've learned something: Nobody really cares about you lol c;"

   As he kept screaming, I whispered, "Now you're gonna be crawling in your skin. For the rest of your life."

   I walked away like a bOSS ASS BITCH LOL LOL LOL LOL 2014 VINES and jacked someone's car after tossing them out of it.

   "Now take me to Pete Wentz."

   "...I'm out here, dumb bitch," the passenger yelled. "And who's Pete Wentz??"

   I headed out the car and went straight to him. "The person whO'S GONNA SUCK YOUR GODDAMN DICK IF YOU DON'T COME WITH ME BRO."

   "Cool," he muttered.