Abigail

Chapter five.

Chapter five.

Today was chemotherapy day; today was the worst day ever. I had always been scared about chemotherapy but I never asked for anything to put my mind at rest. I could deal with it but it wasn't nice. The symptoms that I got last time I went through chemo were awful and I couldn't help but think about it. I threw up so many times and I was really sick... It just wasn't easy to get out of my head.

Ashton nipped home last night for about half an hour, whilst I got my central line put in, for some clothes and some overnight things. He also came back with drinks, some food if I could stomach it, his iPad and some magazines. I couldn't help but think how today was...

Today was Christmas.

"I've ruined Christmas!" I blurted out suddenly, remembering the day. I started to panic - my hands shook and tears formed in my eyes.

"No you haven't, honey. We'd rather be with you," Mum soothed.

But it wasn't good enough. "No, I've spoilt Christmas! Please go home and have a good day," I begged and pleaded. I didn't want them to be stuck in hospital on this particular day and especially not as it was my fault. I didn't want to be the one getting the blame, although, nobody blamed me.

"Sweetheart, look at me," Dad instructed. My eyes flicked up to look at him, my bottom lip quivering. "We have postponed Christmas until you are ready to come and join us," he brushed a piece of hair out of my face.

"But you heard Doctor Malaki; I'll be in here for ages!"

"Well today is Sunday so," Noah started counting on his fingers, "On next Monday, we could bring Christmas here to you."

I shook my head, "I'm ruining Christmas."

I was. I was ruining Christmas. Everyone else, right at this moment, would be celebrating. But my family couldn't do that because they're stuck in a hospital room with their sick daughter/sister/best-

"Ashton," I cut off my thoughts, "Please go home and be with your family. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're crazy, Abs. I'm staying where I am, I quite like being with you and it's nice not having to worry about everything today. I mean I worry about you but I'd probably be cooking if I was home so you're kind of saving me," he joked.

I didn't really take it as a joke because I was annoyed that everyone else would be missing out. And that wasn't fair at all. But I realised that they weren't going to change their minds so I went quiet.

I didn't speak to anyone when I went to get weighed, Noah came with me though. Not even a single word left my mouth as I had my blood pressure done and my temperature taken. Even when my doctor told me that my red blood cells were high enough to start chemotherapy today, I didn't speak.

I bet the other kids in the ward got to go home for Christmas, but no, not me. It just wasn't fair. Ashton and I had both really been looking forward to it and I couldn't help but feel selfish. They kept trying to talk to me, trying to ensure that I was okay, but I wasn't having it. I knew that they were only saying it so that I could relax a little - they didn't really mean it. They were just as gutted as I was; they didn't want to spend their day in the hospital.

"Okay, Abigail, we're going to start your chemotherapy in a couple of minutes. Your nurse will be in and will introduce herself before starting your treatment," Doctor Malaki told me, "I will see you in a couple days to see how you're responding towards it."

"Okay," I mumbled.

"I'll see you later." And with that, he left.

I sat staring at the walls. I had plenty of things that I could occupy myself with, but I felt that I deserved to be bored. In fact, I didn't want to go through with the chemo anymore. It was spoiling things and getting in the way and yet, it hadn't even begun.