Between the subtle brush of Jacob's fingers over Troye's cheek, and the interval of every passing second that Troye leans into the touch, Jacob thinks he can see the improvement in Troye's eyes. He will lay there, eyes blinking slowly, and whisper, 'i love you,' in spite of everything. He runs his hands over Jacob's ribs as if he is ready to unclench his fists and hold onto something other than the past.
When Troye wakes him up at night, it isn't from the sound of hushed sobs, but from Troye wrapping his arm around his waist, and pulling him tighter in against his chest. Jacob notices, when they have enough time to brush their teeth together, that Troye doesn't scrub his mouth so hard that his gums begin to bleed. He doesn't swish mouthwash five times a day. He doesn't look down when they are holding hands to make sure Jacob is still there. The small signs of improvement are there, Jacob sees them.
He decides to give something a go.
"Troye, love?" he says. He pulls up a pair of his denim shorts, the ends rolled up to show off even more of his thighs, if you've got it, flaunt it, he thinks to himself. Troye is doing his hair, glancing in the mirror to pull out different curls. He hums out a response, and Jacob continues. "Do you think, we could like, put away some of the body washes and toothpastes? Just a few of them?"
Jacob doesn't expect the reaction he gets. Troye just starts trembling, eyes welling with tears as he shakes his head fervently. "No! No! Please don't! I can still feel him! I can still taste him, Jake! Please don't, I'm so dirty, Jake, please don't."
Jacob's heart breaks for the first time in weeks as he wraps Troye up in his arms. He holds onto him tightly, rocking back and forth.
He just keeps yelling, "No! No! No!"
And at least this time, someone is listening to them.
**
The next day Jacob texts Tyler a message saying:
"Agent, we got black ops mission, are you ready? Over."
"Of course, agent Looseville. whats the mission? Over."
"goddamn it tyler. im not loose."
"excuse me i don't know who this tyler guy is, tho he sounds handsome. i think u got the wrong number dude"
"meet me at hallmark asap agent."
"you didnt say over. over
"meet me at fucking hallmark right now or i swear to god i will tear u a new one. OVER."
"thats more like it agent looseville. see u there. over. ;)"
The first thing Jacob does when he sees Tyler at the Hallmark in the mall, is slap the back of his head and yell "over" at him. Tyler smirks like the bastard he is, not even flinching. God only knows how much Jacob loves him.
"What's the mission, boss?" Tyler laughs, He follows Jacob, who has a pout on his lips, and arms crossed over his chest, to the card section.
"Need to get Troye cards."
"What kind of cards?"
"Anything to let him know how special he is, or to make him laugh. I don't know."
"Oh," Tyler pauses, seriousness flushing over his face, "how is he doing?"
Jacob holds his assertive position only a millisecond longer, before he is slouching and letting Tyler take him into a soft hug. "I don't know, it feels like he was doing better, you know? But then something happens, and it's like three leaps backwards when we only took one step forward."
"Hey, it's going to take a while, yeah? He isn't gonna get better overnight."
"I know, I just," Jacob pauses, sulking further, "I just wish he could."
