Half Way Real

I opened my eyes and looked around, there was no one there. "Gustave!" I cried, "Where are you? Gustave!?" There was no answer. I called out once more hoping he hadn't run away. I searched every premise of the area and there was still no sight of him.

"Not even my own son could stay and love me," I sighed. Suddenly, all the memories of the past few years flooded back to me at once. Moving to Coney Island, working with those god awful Girys, tricking my beautiful Christine to hear her sing again, knowing I had a son, then having everything ripped out from under me due to a jealous snake. And now, the son that I tried so hard to love had run away and left me because of my face. My own flesh and blood was terrified of me. Hot, angry tears began to rush down my cheeks.

I ripped off my mask and collapsed to the floor and screamed. I had a taste of happiness! I had love! I was loved! For such a short time! Why couldn't the universe just let me be happy! Was this how I was to be punished for my sins? No. From birth I was sworn to this cruel fate. Who could ever love this face, this monster?

The rooms filled with the sounds of my agonized screams, but there was no one there to hear me. It seemed as if I was there forever. I couldn't bear to get up, so I just laid there until the only sound was my slow, yet erratic, breaths. In the quietness, I heard footsteps.

"Gustave! Gustave is that you?" I cried.

"No. I am not Gustave." A familiar voice said calmly.

As the person kneeled down next to me, I grabbed his shirt and screamed "Where is my Gustave! He was here! W-Where is he!" I let go and again collapsed into a puddle of sobs. A dark hand reached out and touched my shoulder.

"Gustave is not here," the voice sighed. "He is not real"

The voice was so familiar, as were this man's features. Why could I not recognize him?

"How dare you," I spat, anger booming in my voice. "He is my son! Where is my son! He was here and-and he came with me after...after Christine......" I trailed off. "How dare you tell me he isn't "real"!"

"Christine is well and alive, she hasn't had a son." This man was speaking to me as if I were a child. Soft, yet stern. It was obvious that he was choosing his words very carefully. 

"Why must you torture me in this fashion?!" I screamed, "I know she is gone! I know my son is gone forever! Stop this! Just stop this!" I grabbed my chest in pain. Why had this man come to kill me? Suddenly, he grabbed my shoulders and brought me up so that I was staring into his emerald eyes.

"Erik. None of what you just explained happened. It was just another hallucination! Just a dream, all a dream!"

I struggled against his grip to no avail. I was about to say something, but before I could the man started shaking my shoulders.

"Erik! Please snap out of this! Nothing happened! You've been here for so many years! You have not left! Oh Erik!" His voice was no longer calm and reassuring, but desperate and worried. "Oh for God's sake!" He cried out as he dropped me to the floor.

I watched curiously as he walked over to the piano and gently picked up a needle that was sitting on top of it. He walked over to me, grabbed my arm, and shoved it into my veins, all before I had time to protest. Within a few minutes I felt numb and calm. I looked around and picked up the mask on the floor. Habitually, I immediately placed it upon my face. I looked over to see Nadir Khan sitting in a simple mahogany chair.

"Why hello Nadir." I said calmly. "You look exhausted. Is everything all right?"

"Erik," he sighed sadly, "how much was it this time?"

I turned swiftly to look at him. "I am not quite sure what you mean," I stated coolly, though I knew very well what he had meant.

"I am truly not in spirits for your games Erik. You need to stop doing this to yourself. This is the third time you've had this....delusion. It's not healthy."

"Oh please! I'm perfectly fine. It was merely a dream. Harmless really."

"Those weren't just dreams Erik, they were hallucinations. You thought they actually happened. You were laying prostrate on the floor until I came and gave you something to calm you down. Please, you can't keep on living like this! Lately, it has seemed as if you were only half way real! You're killing yourself! I beg you to stop this!"

I turned away suddenly ashamed for I knew that he was right. "Daroga," I started quietly, "I have known such little happiness in my life. And...and these drugs they let me forget about my problems for some very short moments. I..I'm so close to being happy when I'm intoxicated, just lately I've been so lonesome without Christine that now she infests my drug induced thoughts. I have nothing left to do, nowhere else to go, no life left without her.." I felt a new wave of tears well up in my sunken eyes. I let the tears fall but made no sound. I stayed turned away from the Daroga's gaze.

"You know," I said, my voice shaking. "Happiness is like the first intoxication of morphine, it doesn't last very long."

"Oh Erik." He sighed covering his face with his hands for a moment. "You're digging yourself into an early grave!"

"WHO WOULD SHED A TEAR IF I DIED!" I bellowed suddenly angry. My own mother wanted me dead from the very start. No one I had ever encountered would care whether I lived or died, thrived or starved. Nadir sat in silence. SILENCE! Not even he, maybe my only friend, would say a word about my well being. I turned slowly to face him. A sheet of silence blanketed the room. We stared deep into each other's eyes, each of us reading the other.

"Erik I-"

"Leave me." I stated cutting Nadir off. I knew what he was going to say.

"I'm sorry," he practically whispered.

"Leave me!" I shouted at him! I wanted, no needed to be alone. He solemnly got up and left the room. I could see the despair in his emerald eyes, and yet my sympathy was weak. After he had left, I picked up my beloved perfectly crafted violin. I played each note with lukewarm enthusiasm, but yet the melodies descended into the chambers of my home with a tragic and depressed sound.

"Half way real," I thought.

"Half way real."

~~~~~~~

Okay well that's it! I really hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading! I know it's not great but I did my best and I really enjoyed writing it! I know it's a bit overdramatic but I think that fits Erik as a character well. Also the quote "Happiness is like the first intoxication of morphine, it doesn't last very long." Is a quote from the Susan Kay novel. I just had to put it in here since it fit so well. So yeah thank you so much for reading!