"Heed my warning, fish of the damned kind! You are unfit to wield such a dangerous tool!" The wizard wore a long, regal blue robe with yellow star patterns decorated all over it. His huge wizard hat followed the same theme, as it was also blue with yellow star patterns. The wizard also had a huge white beard which was an indication of his age. In his right hand, he held a long wooden staff. Kindvirus screamed in shock, "Oh crap, it's a wizard!". Despite feeling genuinely surprised, Kindvirus stayed resilient and kept a tight grip on the Colt Single Action Army. "What does a wizard of the old age know about the Colt Single Action Army and why how does he know one could be fit or unfit to bear said arm?" questioned Kindvirus, keeping his demeanor. The wizard took a huge breath of air as his lungs were old and decaying, to which then he exclaimed, "I know everything there is to know about the grand Colt Single Action Army! I know for a fact that it is indeed the most powerful handgun ever made! And of course, I know that you are, in no thinkable way possible, worthy enough to wield this weapon! I have seen the evil that lies in your heart, the plague in your mind! Such a wicked creature dares to even co-exist with the rest of society? I am truly baffled!" Kindvirus stayed silent in an attempt to act as if he were not phased by the truthful words of the wizard. His pupils began shrinking and dilating in sheer anxiety.
The wizard raised his wooden staff and began waving it, while demanding, "I beseech you, dear channidae! It is not yet too late to turn a new leaf! Drop the gun that you are holding and perhaps you may begin your path to the light! I will leave you unscathed and this situation at hand will be completely resolved! If you refuse, I shall cast a GIANT spell! An epic spell of proportions so powerful, your dim mind would not be able to comprehend its prowess!" Kindvirus stood there, motionless, lost in thought. He did not know what to do in such a drastic situation. Despite desiring change, he knew deep in his heart he was in fact, evil. At that moment, he was given a chance at possible redemption, or to delve deeper into his own hell. His breaths began to shorten as he begins to panic. "Don't fall into the despair, child! I will lead you into the light! To the path of shining hope! All you have to do is lay down the gun!" begged the wizard.
Kindvirus then became completely silent, along with the atmosphere surrounding the area. After that brief moment, he could feel his mind becoming clear. He has finally come to a resolve. He opened his mouth slowly and spoke, "...Do you take me for a fool?" The wizard staggered in fear despite looking completely confident the moment before. "You can't just... appear out of nowhere and tell me what's wrong and what's right and what's meant to be and what's not meant to be! So what if I'm not doing my best at changing who I am? At the very least, I'm trying! And it hurts to try but I'm trying anyway! Don't just say you'll help me finally change if I just fix this simple mistake..... You're not going to do that. You can't just promise such things. And you sure as hell can't just change people as easily like that either! That's not how the heart works! I'm done with that crap! I'm done with people telling me that! From now on, I'll live life as I deem fit!" Completely awed, the wizard muttered, "You're naive.....". Kindvirus then slowly held up the gun and pointed it at the wizard. His pupils completely fading into a pristine nothingness as he lets out a chuckle. The wizard stood there, feeling absolutely helpless, for he knows his spell is no match for the Colt Single Action Army. He then realized that preaching to the Snakehead was the biggest and last mistake he'll ever make.
Kindvirus shouted, "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 420 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top gunslinger in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over nine hundred ways, and that's just with my bare fins. Not only am I extensively trained in close quarter combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo." And then, he pulled the trigger with no remaining hesitation.
End
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'Tis a gran shitpost
~ Kindvirus
YOU ARE READING
A Gun And Some Wizard Person
Science-FictionA fish finds a gun and a wizard appears to warn them the dangers of using it. Afterwards, the fish holds said wizard at gunpoint.
