The Royal Misfit - z.m. [Major Reconstruction]

Rant

It's a been a while since I have felt like this. Over thinking, introspecting and vulnerable.

I'm in college currently and I started reading stories on Wattpad in grade 11 and somehow in this short span, I have come a long way.

We all know that whenever we feel the urge to read a fiction, subconsciously we just want to escape something. Be it the reality around us, or our own thoughts that keep haunting us.

When someone feels the urge to write a fiction it is usually because they want to express something. Not necessarily a message, but just something.

I don't want to drag this stupid post unnecessarily, so I'll simply say what I am trying to imply.

Venus is quite the opposite of the old me, the old me is more like zayn. Now by the old me I mean the girl I was in grade 11,when I started reading stories on Wattpad.

The new me is someone quite similar to Venus. Now, I do not mean I have magically turned into a sexy ass lady. Nope, I still am awkward as fuck.

But the thing is, I have started to love who I am and who I am turning into. I no more sulk around in self pity and call myself worthless.
I used to hate things going around me. Nothing felt right, I just wanted to disappear and that's when wattpad came. It did help me somewhat.

When I started this story, I was inspired by my uncle (who has a medical condition because of which he can never walk). The idea of strangers reading something I wanted to express appealed to me somehow and it was a perfect escape because my life was a mess. This decision was completely impulsive.

However I lost interest in it because of my laziness AND good things were happening around me and I started taking interest in my life.

And since then things have turned out to go smoothly (I know life will fuck me up again but lol idc).

Now, it's like my current reality is much better than my escapes used to be.. you know.

I do miss my introvert, depressed self sometimes because it inspired me to draw, write and introspect but I love the reality loving me more. I know there is a part of me that will keep over thinking things and worrying but I'll hold on to it because it reminds me of my old self and how I have changed, for better.

And when I look back I realise when I made a character like Venus, I wrote everything that I had yearned to be like. The confidence, the charm, the flamboyance, everything.

I am not completely like her, but to be honest I am not that far.

I realise both the sides of the coin are almost the same. That there is much more to life than fiction... And yet fiction itself has numerous lives in it...

It's up to you which one would you consider being completely devout to. I being completely devout to my real life, and yet holding on to fiction because let's be honest it's an adventurous addiction.

But I can't completely immerse myself in these. Not now. Not now that I have come so far.

I won't delete this story because well I am selfish.. But I won't continue. I had things in mind of how this story should go but never mind.

Take care and lots of love to those who took out time to read this story! Seriously I had not expected anyone to read this or vote but oh well.

Gotta Zayn 😍😘

-Jahnvi xx