The Swap // Denis Stoff

12

I sit on the couch watching something on the TV, well trying to watch something. I keep finding myself glancing at the clock. He will be home any time soon and I know it. When he goes out drinking in the afternoon he always ends up getting so drunk that he ends up back home around 9pm.

Just as I am about to go and make a cup of tea the door gets flung open and he stoats in, looking worse for wear. I sit back down, looking at him and hoping he will just go straight up the stairs to bed.

'There you are.' He slurs, throwing the keys down onto the seat. He falls down next to me and instantly grabs at my arms, pulling me onto his lap. I sit, looking at him for a few seconds as he gets comfortable.

I look at his face, feeling sad. I used to love that face. I used to wake up every morning next to him and stare at that face with love. I used to want to always please him, ensuring he was never going to leave me, but it's all changed now and that makes me so sad. How could something so beautiful turn sour so quickly?

I snap out of it as he presses his lips to mines. I furrow my eyebrows as I taste the alcohol on his lips. I try to pull away, protesting a little but his grip on me becomes tighter. He doesn't stop kissing me and I feel tears welling in my eyes. I have been so stressed for weeks now that this would happen; he would get bored of his groupies and want me.

I open my eyes and push him off a little, trying to get off of the couch but he is too strong for me. He laughs and pulls me back onto his knee. 'You're not getting away from this one.' He growls.

'Stop it!' I shout, lifting my hands to him but he grabs them and puts them down by my side.

'Now be a good girl.' He says, pushing me back onto the couch and pinning me down.

'Get off me!' I shout, hoping a neighbor would hear, but he covers my mouth with his hand. He kicks his jeans off and rips my leggings off, taking my thong down with them. I try to scream but his hand almost cuts off all breathing, so I focus on that instead. 'Stop.' I muffle as the tears form in my eyes. They run down the sides of my face and onto the couch but he doesn't take any notice. He just gets on with his business, sorting himself out. It hurts like hell as he forces himself into me and I cry harder, wishing this would all just end.

'Shh' He says a few times as he thrusts. I just lie and cry and wait for it to be over. His hand is still covering my mouth and I don't even have the strength to breathe anymore. I just want this to be over. I want to get out. But I know he'll come and find me. I know my life will never be the same again, so I stay out of pure fear.

And then I remember that I am better than this. I remember that I am young and that I have my whole life ahead of me. I don't need someone like him in my life, sucking every single bit of it out of me and forcing me to hate myself.

I open my eyes and without a second thought I bite his fingers. I sink my teeth into them and instantly taste blood in my mouth. It somehow feels euphoric, knowing that I am hurting him and he can't do anything about it, just like he does me. He screams out in agony and pulls himself off of me, falling onto the floor. He clutches his hand and without thinking at all I make a run for it, grabbing his keys and throwing myself out of the front door, I jump into my car and pull out of the drive without looking, speeding off, never looking back. I feel the blood on my mouth and burst out crying. I can't believe it has come to this. I can't believe he did this to me.

I screech up onto Ben's drive and throw myself into his house without knocking. He is sitting eating dinner with his girlfriend Ciara and the second they see me they stand up, discarding their food and rushing towards me.

'Amber,' They both say in unison. Ciara grabs me gently by my arms and guides me to the couch. I suddenly become aware that I am totally naked from the waist down and burst out crying. Luckily I am wearing an oversized t shirt. I sob uncontrollably into her neck and I feel Ben sitting down next to me. He puts his arm over my shoulder and asks me softly what happened.

'He... he did it... he' I can't say it. I'm finding it hard to believe that it's even true. I'm in complete denial about it but I don't know what to think. 'He raped me.' I say quietly between sobs. Ben springs up and storms away and I can hear him speaking to someone.

'Yes. She's here. Yes. Okay. Thank you.'

I lift my head up and Ciara grabs some tissues, wiping the blood from my face. 

'I'm so sorry!' I cry, putting my face into my hands.

She opens her mouth to say something but Ben cuts her off. 'Don't be sorry! Listen to me!' He bends down next to me and takes my hands. 'Do not be sorry! This is not your fault!' He is almost shouting and I can hear the cracks in his voice. He stands up abruptly, pacing the room. 'We should have done something about this Ciara. Me and the guys. We knew that this was happening and yet we still did nothing! Amber I am so sorry. Listen to me.' he grabs my hands again, closer this time. His face is so close to mines and it's obvious that he's torn up. Tears are running down his face and Ciara has her hand on his thigh trying to comfort him. 'We should have done something...' he starts to sob, burying his face into his hands. We both sit crying for what seems like hours before there is a knock on the door. Ciara answers it.

'Police.' I hear from the door. I look up to Ben, shaking my head.

'No Amber! Don't even try to protest. This is the right thing and you know it!'

I sob harder. What have I done? This is all my fault!

I panic, wiping my face with tissues. One officer is a woman and the other a man, and as the woman sees me you can see the remorse in her eyes. She knows exactly what has happened, and as I realise this I fear that this night has only just begun.

********

Guys I am so gutted about Denis leaving AA. I got into listening to AA because of Denis and now that Danny is back i just can't say they are my favourite band anymore... or a band i will even continue listening to. and that sbsolutely tears me apart. I wasn't there when danny was so it's hard for me to stay a part of this family when I don't really like danny as a vocalist.

Obviously I'm going to continue writing this story and more though! I'm denis forever. X