Surviving the Life of College (Smythe #3)

Chapter 22

*huge trigger warning* I'll post a summary in the author's note if you decide to skip the chapter.

I'm so sorry. Again.

Chapter 22

       I stared up at the ceiling, wondering what time it was but I didn't even bother checking the time, mainly because I was too lazy. I was guessing it was about two in the morning because for me, that was one my hallucinations were the worst.

       And right now, they were really bad. They weren't just audio hallucinations right now, which was why I was staring up at the ceiling.

       Isadora was asleep, her head resting on my chest. Normally, she stayed awake when I was because she didn't want me to stay awake alone, but I didn't want her to lose her sleep just for me.

       I was really not liking what was going on right now. My mom was standing in the room, going on and on about how it was my fault I killed her. I always say here on Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, but it was neither of those those. Thanksgiving wasn't for another two weeks.

       "It is all your fault, Daxton," she said. "I wouldn't have died if you just got over the fact that I would rather raise Ty."

       I was really wanting to give her some sass. I knew she wasn't real, but....It felt real. It felt like my mom was actually standing there and as much as I hated what she was saying....I was actually seeing my mom.

      Well, not really. I was staring at the ceiling so I wouldn't get even more emotional just by looking at her.

       I wrapped my arm around Isadora, gently pulling her closer to me, trying not to wake her up. I didn't, thankfully. I just wanted her to sleep for once if I couldn't.

       "You really think she loves you?" Mom said. "You're going to end up killing her, just like how you killed me. You're going to kill every single person who is near you, even that dog of yours."

       I was trying to block her voice out, but it was next to impossible without my music and with the fact that I just recently started taking my medication again. It was going to take a while for everything to go back to normal. As normal as it could, that is.

       "You shouldn't even have a dog," Mom said. "You're irresponsible. You're not careful enough. He already got hit by a car. It will happen again and this time, he won't make it."

       I couldn't take it anymore.

       I carefully got out of bed without waking Isadora before walking to the washroom, trying not to look at my mom. When I walked into the washroom, I closed the door and locked it behind me.

       I went to the sink and turned on the cold water, splashing some of it on my face before turning it off. I gripped the side of the sink, closing my eyes and trying to take a deep breath. I didn't know why I was seeing my mom all of a sudden, but I was very certain it had to do with what I was feeling deep in my conscience. 

       "That isn't going to help," I heard my mom say. I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror, seeing her standing behind me. "Your problems are never going to leave you, no matter what you did. There's only one solution, Daxton."

       Don't do it. Don't think about it.

       "You know you want to," Mom said. "Don't even think about it. Do it."

       Tears were stinging my eyes as my grip on the sink tightened. Don't do it. Just ignore the thought of it.

       "Think of the pain the will stop," Mom said. "You won't have to suffer anymore. You'll keep everyone you love safe."

       I opened the cabinet behind the mirror where I kept my medication. With shaky hands, I reached for one of the pills container, but I ended up knocking one down. It fell into the sink with a loud clatter.

       I quickly picked it up, hoping it didn't wake up Isadora.

       Skittles suddenly barked, making me jump a bit. He started pawing on the other side of the door before barking again. Please don't wake up Isadora....

       It took me a while to open the pill container because of my shaky hands. Right as it popped open, I heard Isadora's voice on the other side of the door. "Dax?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

       "Yeah," I said, but that was followed by a sniff.

       "Are you crying?" she asked.

       "No, it's uh....It's just allergies."

       "Dax, don't be ridiculous," she said. "You're only allergic to garlic and Seb stopped having it in the house after the Skittles incident. Can you unlock the door please?"

       "In a minute," I said, staring at the opened container. "I'm....in the middle of something."

       "Dax, please open the door," she said. "I don't know what you're doing, but Skittles knows something is up."

       "Don't listen to her," Mom said. "She doesn't really care about you. She kissed your brother, after all. She won't care if you overdose. Do it, now."

       "Dax, please," Isadora said.

       "I'm sorry, Isa," I said, my voice cracking.

       "Sorry for what?" she asked. She then realized what I meant. "No no no, Dax, don't you dare do it. Please Dax, just open the door. I can't lose you."

       That only made even more tears sting my eyes. It was going to be really hard to do it.

       "Dax, please," Isadora said. "Please, open the door. Please...."

       Skittles bark again, and another voice on the other side of the door came. "Dax, what are they saying?" Seb asked. "Because you know they're wrong. Everything they say is wrong."

       "She's right!" I said. "I killed her! I killed Mom, and I'll only end up killing everyone around me!"

       "You know Mom would never think that," Seb said.

       Mom scoffed. "I think I would know what I think. Don't listen to them, Daxton. They're the wrong ones."

       "Dax, just open the door," Seb said. "She's wrong."

       "She's not wrong," I said. "I did kill her and you know that. I almost got Skittles killed. I'll just get you all killed."

       "You did not almost kill Skittles," Isadora said. "That was our fault, not yours. We should have let things go like you did. And you're not going to end up killing us. What happened with your mom was an accident. Just please, don't do it."

       "Do it," Mom said.

       "I'm so sorry," I said in a quiet voice. "I can't do this anymore."

       "Dax...." Isadora said, but I didn't hear the rest.

       I did it. 

       I blacked out.

________________

Holy crap, the tears are stinging my eyes and I got a lump in my throat. I'm really sorry.

So if you skipped the chapter, here is what happened: Dax was up at night because he was seeing his mom, she was saying awful things, he went to the washroom to overdose and he did it even though Seb and Isadora tried convincing him not to.