Repeat-Her Only Heart

Fifth

The dark and the light. The evil and the good. The guilty and the innocent.  The past and the now. The memories.. of the unforgotten, the unwanted...

That. Was. Me. That is me. That is him. That is her. That is us. That is one.

I jolt out of my bed, beads of sweat lining my forehead. My ecstatic heartbeat and my heavy breathing was the only thing I heard. I looked around wildly, looking for a familiar wall with my quotes. Instead, I am met with five bland walls that were painted vanilla white, all of them naked with any types of writing. I frown, clearly miserable. I was going to get used to all this blandness. But perhaps it'll help me forget my past. I couldn't keep on relying on those two pieces of art. 

A knock sounds on my door. I pulled on my most neutral face I could muster and turned my head to the light brown curtains that reminded me of burnt pancakes.  The light filtering was the perfect shade of light. Enough to wake me up, yet not enough to burn the eyes.  I can barely hear the door open, as I am focused on the little gap the curtains had failed to cover. 

       "You're awake." Avya states.

I don't say anything. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Avya tracing circles with her toes.

       "Alex wanted me to get you." She mumbles. "To go to the dining room." 

I turn around and I am met with her piercing eyes. The green pigment held worry and urgent pleading. I solemnly nod and wave her off. She squeaks and closes the door behind her. I get up and stretch. I felt pity for the girl. Did I go too far? Did I scare everyone, or did they treat me as a leader? I felt no pride, but confusion and guilt that dissipated into dust.

Feeling my way to the dresser, I grabbed a navy t-shirt and black pants. Most of my clothes were in my suitcase, with the exception of only one pair. I multitask; as I dress, I comb my hair, but to much avail and great difficulty. I stare back at the reflection of the girl in the mirror. She copies what I do. Her daunt tired dark brown eyes held nothing, empty and of void.  And when I allowed emotion, it would flash with tiny bits of hatred; other times, it held great sadness. I shook my head and took great interest at the ground.

I took big strides to the door and twisted the knob, it's squeaky hinges, a sound I hated. Avya was staring blankly at  me and leads the way to the kitchen. Our way down there is silent, only footsteps echo in the hallways. I hover near items like vases or anything that strikes interest, slowing down as I go. I am undeniably wary of her, making sure I keep a distance in between us, just like I did to Alex. Suddenly, she stops abruptly. She looks over her shoulder and beckons me over.

"The next turn to the left is the dining room." She whispers. She pauses as if waiting for me to say something. I don't. Lending my ears is enough. 

"Treat Alex with respect." She tries for an authoritative tone but I know that she is warning me. 

 It's hard for me to not unleash my snort. Could've told me that earlier.   I was sure that my behavior yesterday would abase his kindness and unlikeliness  to take a liking towards me. And I intended to keep it that way. I had to keep myself away from me while I was still solving his mystery of who he really was. 

She straightens up and I follow her, tensing my shoulders for effect. I make a turn and survey the place before me. A single chandelier hangs from the ceiling.

 I give a hostile glance to every member of the cartel I have met, my gaze lingering on Alex. The same question popped up, 'who was he?' and I meant who he really was. Not exactly his past,  but his real name.