In Between The Lines

A teal door and dinner

Lol......Margaritas....

Keaton is gone the next morning. Well..technically it's early afternoon the next day. I've been drifting in and out of consciousness, my body trying to decide if it's safe enough to wake up. I'm probably in shock. Apparently it goes against my mind and decides it's time. Traitor.

My eyes flutter open, blinking to adjust to the lighting. I grunt. My head is pounding, and I feel extremely sick. I raise my head, my vision going black, and I blink over and over.

Please don't pass out again I beg my body. My vision returns and slowly, so so so very slowly, I sit up. Sometime during the night I ended up on the floor, so I use the bed to my advantage, pulling myself up with my left arm. I can feel every muscle in my body screaming. I have to pause again, just wincing.

I glance down at my body, my breath catching. My skin is still bare. My stomach and chest are shades of blue, purple, green, yellow and blacks. My breathing picks up, sobs coming out of my mouth, which brings even more pain.

Calm down Sweetheart.. the voice in my head whispers to me. I bite my split lip, drawing more blood from it, and use it to focus and calm myself down. Deep breathes. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Then I look down at my wrist, hanging at my side. It's still stopped bleeding, though it's a mess. It's got crusty blood all over it, and I know I have to get up and go clean it.. From what I can see, it didn't go too deep, clearly it wasn't arterial.

Summoning all my strength, I push myself up onto my feet, clutching my wrist with my other hand. I couldn't tell you how I manage it..but somehow I make it to the kitchen, downing more pain pills than I probably should, and down a seltzer or three, begging it to make me drunk, so I can stop hurting.

I limp my way to the bathroom, looking at my broken body in the mirror. My face is a mess, a black eye; I didn't even realize it before but my eye isn't opening more than a slit.. purple, blue and black bruises on my cheek, a split and swollen lip, hickeys all over my chest, mixed in with bruises. I pull my gaze away from the mirror, tears in my eyes. He's given me hickeys before...but this feels entirely different.

I get a cloth wet with hot water, cleaning myself up. My teeth clench as I draw the cloth over my wrist, cleaning up the dried up and new blood. Then I clean it off with antibacterial wash, nearly screaming at the burn, and then wrap it up tightly with gauze. I finish cleaning myself up, not even bothering to try and clean up the insanely bruised area of my stomach chest. Luckily.. I believe I don't have any cracked ribs.

I make my way back to my bed, not even bothering to put any clothes on, and I lay down on the soft covers and sleep again. I try not think about Keaton, and instead I fill my thoughts with things I love and enjoy. My little brother running around in the garden with me, playing on the swings and laughing uncontrollably. My mother giving me kisses when I was hurt or sick, and my little sister treating me as if I was her mother, and giving me all her love.

•••

When I wake up again, I down the more pills and water I left by my bed, and glance at the clock. '11:30pm, Sunday'. My breath catches. There's no way it's Sunday, that means I have work in 6 and a half hours. I pull the covers down, wishing that this was all just a terrible dream and that I'm waking up now with the flu, nothing more. Maybe I should just call in.. tell them I have Tuberculosis or some other contagious thing.

..if only life was as easy as it was in my head. My skin is the exact same as it was yesterday, if not worse. I reach over and grab my phone, looking over it.

5 missed calls: Keaton
Txt-Keaton: 'I'm sorry babe, I don't know what came over me..please forgive please, I love you! Don't tell anyone xo. I don't want them to separate us :(' Yesterday at 3pm
1 missed call: Sanders
Txt-Sanders: 'Hello Ms Ellington, just wanted to make sure that you got home safely.' Yesterday at 4am.
Txt-Sanders: 'I came by your house, you didn't answer, hope you're alright. Quinton is scared too. He says if you don't answer, he's breaking in. Answer please, I don't want to file another gøddāmn police report.' Today at 10pm.