Blur

The change (pt.2)

The confident doctors at Kosairs told the family that little miss Hailey would have to have a Bone Marrow Transplant because she was very low on her marrow production. We was torn apart by the news because the procedure is highly dangerous, because her tiny little body might not except it. But, we all thought the same thing: 

"Hailey will not live much longer if we do not do this, we have to be strong for her.." 

Around the time ofJuly 14th of 2014, Hailey recieved her "life saving" transplant thanks to a wonderful, perfect match, donor whom we was planning to meet the year after it all.

Through all our hope, there was sad days, such as the day poor little Hailey lost all her hair from the horrid 2 weeks of chemo. And that terrible day when Hailey got sores all down her throat to her stomach due to the after sickness you can get after the transplant. Hailey fought hard, and all through it, kept a smile on her face, no matter what. Oh, how I love her, so. 

During all this, I sit, and think of all the things we could be ding if such an innocent chid wouldnt have had her life token away from her so suddenly like that. It wasn't fair to me, and I never understood it at all. 

The pain of seeing Hailey go in and out of the hospital kills me inside, even now. It seemed like my emotions left my body and all that would company me was my thoughts. Now, almost a year since Hailey has had her transplant...she now lays in an endless sleep due to an evil virus (BK Virus) that infected her small little brain stem. 

I sit with a blank stare, watching all those nasty loud machines due her bodily functions for her, because she was too weak. I look over and see the same look of terror in other parents' eyes out of the fear of losing their innocent, once healthy, child: The very same look I  see in my mother's and Stepdad's eyes, followed by tears held back. It was heart breaking... I see the same fear in myself as I look in the mirror at what used to be a happy girl.  

A small, zig zag line dashes up slowly as I speak softly to her, letting us all know that she could hear every word we said, and to also let us know that she was still fighting....She is a warrior that always fought... always... 

I held her small, cold, little hand under her heated blanket and nothing but forgotten happiness filled my mind as I stare at the closed eyes of such a sweet little girl..now fighting for her life. My already weak heart shatters knowing that my baby sister might not make it. My pale and nervous body cannot take anymore pain after reaching my breaking point witnessing my grandmother pass away right in front of me......not even a month before Hailey went to sleep.... 

I cry a lot, especially when people are not around. All through those tears, something very faint, in the back of me, locked away somewhere, tells me that Hailey will make it through this, but in good time.... I can only hope with all the heart I have left that the thought I had was right, and I'll have my baby sister back....