The Universe Was Full

Phil (For Kara)

December 13th - All I Want For Christmas Is Phil (For Kara) (And I love you even more for putting up with the long wait)

YouTuber - Phil Lester (AmazingPhil)

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beep... beep... beep...

The constant beeping was continual. It was slow and steady and it came from right next to me, but my mind couldn't place what it was. Everything was dark. I couldn't see, I couldn't move, I couldn't talk. I tried to force my eyes open, me brain constantly telling them to move, but nothing happened. Not even the twitch of an eyelid. The beeping continued throughout all of this, and it made me scared. Terrified, even.

I wanted to call out for help, to see if anyone was around, but my vocal chords didn't want to cooperate. My mouth wouldn't open. I tried to get up, to see if I could walk around, but even my legs wouldn't follow the orders of my mind. Throughout the entire time, the beeping continued. I began to panic. I wanted to flail out, cry, scream, beg for help, call for attention, but nothing would happen. My body stayed still, completely, utterly, unmoving. I wasn't able to do anything. So I waited.

I tried my best to think about any information that would come to me, but I could only remember the basics. My name is Kara, I thought frantically, struggling for information, I am 24. I was born in Australia, but I moved to London recently. It is 2013. After that, my mind would go blank. I couldn't remember anything else. So I repeated those lines of information, over and over again, until I heard voices. Voices that weren't mine. They talked over the continuous beeping noise that came from my right.

Although I wasn't able to make out full sentences, I could hear the voice of someone who sounded as if they had been crying, and two other voices, one calm, which I think was male, and one stern, as if exhausted. This one was female, I assumed. Finally, the voices died away, but I heard footsteps, stepping closer to me, before I heard someone sit down beside where I lay.

All of a sudden, a hand grabbed mine, and it was only then that I realized how cold I was. The hand shot warmth through my right arm, and it made me want to smile. But no matter how I felt, my mouth wouldn't turn upwards. I could feel it, staying in the same, blank position.

"Kara," the voice whimpered, and I recognized it as one of the voices I heard before. It was the one that was sad. The voice had an unmistakable British accent, and it was then that a surge of electricity shot through my body, remembering.

Phil.

It was Phil. The person I loved. The person who made me happy. The person I had been with for a year and a half. My boyfriend.

All of a sudden, I heard more whimpers, followed by him sighing deeply. It sounded so sad, and I just wanted to cry with him and hug him and tell him I was okay, but once again, my body wouldn't move. It remained still, and emotionless, and... lifeless. For what felt like hours, it was just me, Phil's cries, and the beeping. The ongoing, never ending, beeping.

I was so confused. I was confused, and terrified, and lost. I didn't know what was going on, and I didn't know when it would end. Maybe it was a dream? Maybe I'm going to wake up, in Phil's arms, lying on his bed. We'll get up, and talk, and laugh, and act completely normal. Like nothing was wrong. So why is the beeping still going on?

Eventually, after Phil's sobs quieted down, his hand left mine, making my body feel dreadfully cold again, and I heard him walk away. Unable to do anything else, I waited. I just sat, alone in my thoughts and questions, doing nothing. Whenever I had nothing to think about, I would just sit, listen to the beeping.

beep... beep... beep...

Finally, I heard more footsteps walk in, and they walked right up to where I lay, on the left side of me. Their accents too were British, but neither of them Phil's voice, a calm, quiet, and happy one. These ones sounded tired and rushed and business-like. They shuffled around for a bit, and then I felt a pain in my arm, right on the inside, where you would bend it. I stung, and it was cold, but then it wasn't so bad anymore. I couldn't see what it was. Even afterwards, however, it was sore. I wanted to wince in pain, but nothing happened. It was like my vocal chords didn't exist anymore. After that, the footsteps walked away, and I was left alone again, only to listen to the beeping again.

That's what would happen to me every once in awhile. I would just hear footsteps and shuffling and mumbling, and I would get poked a lot, and then the footsteps would leave. All the time.

The next thing I was aware of, more footsteps came in, this time only a single pair. They stopped next to me, on my right side, right near the beeping noise, and a hand found my cold one. I instantly knew that this time, it was Phil. Once again, I struggled to move or speak, but still nothing. This time, Phil didn't cry, or at least not that I heard, but he just talked. HIs words were quiet, but I could still hear him.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, "I'm so sorry, Kara. You need to stay here, I know you're here still. Just stay here,"

I was confused, and I had no way of talking to Phil. I wanted to ask him why he was sorry, and tell him that I was here, I was right here. With him. But I couldn't. And it made me mad. I wanted to cry, and scream in frustration, but my body just sat there, still, unmoving, and lifeless. But the beeping continued.

I heard more footsteps enter the room, and I felt Phil's hand leave mine again, much to my dismay.Once again my body grew cold,but I ignored it, because I was trying to listen to a conversation going near me.

"-Sir, she's been in this coma for over four months now. She has shown no signs of recovery,there's nothing we can do," A male voice said. My entire body felt numb, even more numb than usual. Coma? I've been in a coma? For four months? But I'm right here! I can think! I can hear you!

"But her heart rate is still going," I could hear another male voice, it was Phil. "You have to keep trying. You can't give up like this," Give up? I wanted to scream. I was screaming. At the top of my lungs. Yet no voice came out.

They kept talking, but I wasn't able to understand what they were saying. The only thing I could hear them say was when they asked Phil to leave. "You don't want to be here for this," Be here for what? I wanted to ask, What's going to happen?

I could hear cries come from Phil, that turned into sobs, that turned into wails. Wails of tears and screams and protests, until they made him leave. Why couldn't he be here? What was going to happen to me?

Then, I felt the poking again, right in my left arm. It was sharper than before, and it hurt worse. But I couldn't scream. Or cry. Or tell them to stop. I couldn't do anything. Just sit there and feel them poke me.

After that, I began to feel tired. The beeping got slower. What good does it do to make the beeping go slower? It was then that I realized what was happening.

I was dying.

The beeping. It was my heart rate. And it was slowing down.

Beep...

Beep...

Beep...

I wanted Phil. I wanted him to be here. I wanted to hug him and tell him I was okay and that I could hear him. I don't want to die. I don't want to leave here, without ever being able to say goodbye to anyone. The only thing I could focus on was Phil. Why did they make him leave when I died? Why couldn't he be here with me? I didn't hear any other noises, just the beeping, which was slowing down now. Then, my greatest fear hit me.

I was dying all alone.

There was no one here. Just me, and the slowing beeps of the machine. I was going to die and I couldn't do anything about it, just sit here and wait for it to happen.

Beep...

Beep...

Beep...

And then everything faded into nothing.

A/N: This is my favorite one-shot I've written on here. I'm really proud of it, I'm a bit upset it's only an extra. This took me two hours to write, and I hope you enjoyed it, Kara, I feel really bad it took me a week to get to. But I also told you it would be sad. However, I really am proud of it. :)

And P.S., Why has Phil gotten all the sad ones? Huh.