NatePat One-Shots

Down

song; down - dodie clark
warning; none
natemarkpat, requested by @VengefulDays

i woke up as heavy as lead
an ocean of worry lays me down in bed
but there's things to do, there's a life to live
must ignore my stupid head

Nate didn't feel the motivation he always had to get out of bed in the morning. His body felt heavy and numb, almost as if he had no control over it. An odd sense of anxiety was flooding his body that made him burrow himself beneath his covers and pray to gods of every religion that he would have to get out of bed. However, he heard his boyfriends making breakfast and sharing laughs, a sound that reminded him that he did have to leave the shelter of his bedroom. He would just have to ignore how awful he felt, because he couldn't pass that on to the lovely people he was in a relationship with.

friends float above in the wind
bright balloons pulling them up as they grin
but there's things to do, there's a life to live
must ignore the things i think

He finally made his way downstairs, watching a red haired teenager spin around his flower crown wearing boyfriend. Mark had blazing red hair and warm brown eyes, tattoos spiraling up his arms and spotting his chest. He had an eyebrow piercing on his left eyebrow, and a lip ring on the right side of his face. He was a nice guy, very ambitious in life and Nate was happy to call him his boyfriend. The older, flower crown wearing boy was Matthew. Fluffy brown hair and deep brown eyes that reflected each and every emotion he ever felt. Typically he wore skirts, but today he was just in white jeans and a pink sweater to match his flower crown. Matthew was big into nail videos on YouTube, which resulted in having 'holo' pink nails that he talked about, and Nate could honestly listen to him drone about nail polish for hours and never complain. He was passionate, and Nate respected that.

Still, that didn't stop him from frowning when he saw them together. They were so full of energy and he looked like a zombie, deep purple circles under his eyes and bags that could probably carry groceries. Those two looked like they had just descended from heaven and each step they took just dancing around while cinnamon rolls baked made it seem like balloons were helping them just float around. Nate felt as if he was dragging them down, but he shook those thoughts away and wordlessly sat at the table, seemingly unnoticed by the two boys. He wasn't going to upset them when they were so happy with his own stupid troubles.

it's like walking around with a stone for a heart
people swimming in honey as your life falls apart
it's cold and it's dark and there's no way out
i felt like you once, i wish i could shout
it's like walking around with a stone for a heart
people swimming in honey as your life falls apart
i felt like you once, i wish i could shout

Nate's boyfriends dragged him around town all day, from grocery store to pet store just to have a good time. They were happily laughing and skipping along while he strayed behind, that same weight from the morning coming back. His heart felt like a heavy stone keeping him planted in the same position. How long had he been at the pet store, sitting in front of the same cream colored cat that was returning his sad stare. The people around them were new couples, adopting puppies and kittens while Nate and the cat he had basically claimed as his new best friend were tired and worn down. The cat's name was Skip, he was a grown cat surrounded by kittens. No one wanted a grown cat. Nate felt as trapped as Skip did, alone in a world where he couldn't escape from.

Eventually, he got up and asked the woman at the front desk how much Skip cost. After giving her his credit card and spending thirty minutes on paperwork, Skip was his. He didn't bother getting a cat carrier, he just picked up the cat and set out into town while holding the quiet cat like a baby. Skip wasn't complaining, he was actually asleep in Nate's arms. Getting the cat had lifted some of the weight, but Nate knew he wouldn't be okay until he could go back to bed with his new friend and bury himself away from society.

As he looked around at passing couples, he frowned at the realization that he, Mark, and Matthew were once like them. They were all so happy, but now it seemed like Matthew and Mark were the only ones happy anymore. Nate always felt so sad and he didn't know why.

you can never could undo the brain
now it knows of the holes that will fall as it drains

Maybe a week had passed since Nate got Skip. It wasn't the only thing he got and didn't tell Mark and Matthew about, he also got an apartment that he was slowly moving all of his things into. He was keeping Skip in the guest bedroom, complete with a litter box that he cleaned whenever he went over, medium sized bowls of water and food, scratching posts, loose toys, and a bed. Nate knew he would have to tell them what had been on his mind soon, but he'd rehearsed it in his head so many times that his brain was just converting it into the worst possible outcome whenever it crossed his mind.

cause there's things to do
there's a life to live
watch them laugh
while you stay in the rain

Nate knew that he would never be able to go forward with his life happily if he stayed in the relationship he was in. He just couldn't live with constantly bringing two people down and hopefully they could respect that. The teenager had nearly entirely moved out, the only thing left being his bed. Matthew and Mark had obviously noticed that he was moving stuff out of the house, but they didn't question it until he brought it up.

"Hey babe?" Matthew wrapped his arms around his taller boyfriend, "where's all your stuff?"

"I'm leaving," he fought back the tears that had previously been forming in his eyes, "I-I can't do this anymore."

"What?" the smaller broke away, now holding his arms around himself, "what did we do wrong?"

"I just can't love you in the way I want to, either of you. If I want to go on with my life I need to be alone for a while, just know that I do and always will love you and Mark. Please respect my decision, I'm going to miss you two so much," Nate sniffled, stuffing his hands into his sweatshirt pockets.

"Can't we still talk to you?" Matthew nearly begged. He didn't want to lose Nate, and it was killing him to not scream out for him to stay.

"I can't... I'm sorry," with that, he left, promising to return for his bed soon. It was pouring down rain outside, but he walked the entire way to his apartment and holed himself up in Skip's room. The cat walked over and sat on his lap, both listening to the rain and looking up at each other with content eyes. They were okay for now, but both looked down when they heard laughter from outside. They were content, but not happy.