Something About You

43-Germany.

"Do you really have to go?" he said holding me in his arms. "I do. It's all planned." he sighed.

After a long talk I convinced him to just let me go for a little while to visit my sister. It was a family thing. That's what I was saying. It wasn't all a lie. I was seriously going to see Kate, I missed her, I wanted to see her and try and find some way to explain such a big thing as a pregnancy.

My life was changing so drastically, and it was all for the same reason as usual, I ran away from my problems, instead of facing them. That's the best thing I knew how to do.

"Well, I guess I'll have to let you go" I felt a sudden pain in my chest when he said that, "Not by choice" he added, "I love you" he hugged me tight. I started sobbing. "Don't cry, baby" "I just...I'm a little emotional, it's okay. Just don't stop hugging me, please. I'm going to miss you so much" I hugged him tight praying I'd actually have the balls -ovaries-  to come back and explain him everything. I couldn't hide this but I felt like I needed to leave him avoiding him finding out and leaving me.  I knew I wouldn't be able to take the pain.

Once I left, I realized the pain I'd feel if he left me was exactly the same I was feeling right there while leaving him. I just needed a little time to think about things. I kept on telling myself that was the reason. I was lost. I had no idea why I had to be that way.

*

When we landed in Germany it was night time. My sister picked us up from the airport and drove us over to her place.

"Shitty life my ass" I said as I walked inside her gorgeous house. She giggled. "I'm so happy to have you guys in here. Do you want anything to drink or eat?" she said. "Do you have ice cream?" I asked. She nodded heading over the fridge.

"I need vodka." Sarah said and I looked at Leah panicking, "I'm not having alcohol. it's part of my diet" I said totally lying. They didn't pay attention to my comment. "Water will do, I can't do alcohol with this" Leah said. "Ahh, Leah I'm so happy you're having baby" Kate said. "You have no idea what you got yourself into" Sarah whispered and we both turned around looking at her.

We started talking about everything she missed for over six years maybe. Sarah told her she gave birth to a babygirl and she started crying and I started crying too, I was so sensitive, and then Leah joined us, and we were all sitting on her living room crying over something that we couldn't even remember after a few minutes, but I guess it became personal and everybody was crying for a specific reason.

"So, I'm seeing someone..." Kate  said looking excited, "How is he?" I asked as I was eating chocolate ice cream from the cup, "He's amazing. I swear he is. You know that day you called me when you got my package? I meet him that day, he's everything. I've been dating him for over a month maybe? I don't know but I feel so..." she took a deep breath and placed her face on her hand smiling like a fool. "Oh my god look at you" "He takes my breath away.  I hope you guys can meet him before leaving" I laughed nodding.

Almost at 1 am I went up to my room. I was going to be sleeping with Leah.

"I wanted to tell them about it, but then Kate started talking about this guy and I just didn't want to ruin the moment" I said getting in bed. "It is okay, time will come. How are you feeling?" she said placing her hand on my tummy, "I am okay, I mean I feel better than before thanks to the meds but I don't feel so good about the the whole... situation" I said closing my eyes and making a face. "It's gonna be alright. How long are you planning on staying here?" "I'm not sure. Gino knows I'm gonna be here for a week. Nothing more. But I wanna be here longer than that if that's possible" "Then I'm staying with you" "No, you have to work and you have a baby too. You have your life and own problems to deal with. It's okay I'm going to be fine." "No! I said I'm staying. Whatever else is not important, and the baby is with me so it's alright" she said hugging me. "Thank you, Leah. Really means a lot. Thank you for always being there for me, I love you"

Later on we fell asleep and I was woken up by my phone buzzing. I picked it up from the nightstand half asleep and noticed it was Gino. I walked over the bathroom and picked the call.

"Hi baby" I said with my sleepy voice. "Oh god did I wake you up?" "Mhm" I mumbled, "it's okay, time zones" I added. "I totally forgot, I'm sorry. it's almost nine here" "it's almost three in the morning here" I laughed a little. "How are you? How's everything there?" he asked. "I'm good, everything's fine. I haven't seen anything yet. How are you?" "Glad to know that. Well, I just got back from the office" "Why so late?" he took some seconds to reply. "I just lost track of time. God Jennifer, I miss you so much it's insane" he said making my heart ache. "I miss you too. I'll be back soon" I said convincing not only him but myself. "I'll leave you to sleep now. I love you, have a good night" he said in a deep yet so warming tone.

God I loved this man. Everything inside of me hurt, I needed him. I couldn't leave like that. I started getting teary again. "I-I love you" I hung up letting it all flow. I cried for some minutes, but those kind of tears that you just can't stop from falling, the kind of crying you have to sit down and let it flow, and that's how you're gonna feel better. At least a little. I've always thought that the water coming from my eyes was the one cleaning all the bad things inside of me, so when we cry, it makes us feel better. I remember when I was a little girl, I told my mom that and she laughed saying it was absolutely true, tears were pretty much needed because they cleaned what you didn't need inside of you. I smiled at the thought of it. I then stood up washed my face and went back to bed.

I was so confused. Part of me wanted to run to his arms and just deal with whatever I had to. But there was also a part of me wanting to just distance myself from him and just end everything, not being able to face him and tell him all this. There was no one else to blame for, but me. The thing was done. I was carrying a baby inside of me. There's nothing else to do. I had to have the baby, not even for a second the thought of not having this baby passed by my mind. I would have it with or without him. I just needed time, they say time heals and I was really hoping for it.

I came back to the bed and laid there not being able to close my eyes. I was tired but I couldn't sleep. It was just a few hours after that I managed to fall asleep hugging a pillow pretending it was him.

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