A Day with Anxiety

Morning Reality

I awake to the beeping of my alarm. I fling my arm out to quiet it. I lay in my empty bed as I hear my heart continue to beat hard and the events of last night wash over my mind. The struggle to sleep. The struggle to keep my body still and calm. I slowly open my eyes and watch the ceiling fan spin as I count the deep breaths I take before I lift my head from my pillow.

I stumble to the bathroom and turn on the water. It begins to slowly run as I turn the pressure up a little at a time. I drench my face in the cold running water. "Ba-dum, ba-dum". The veins in my head begin to throb to the beat of my heart as the coolness of the water washes over my face. Deep breath in and out. I step on my scale. One hundred and Eighty pounds. I look away disgusted. "Ding". My phone alarm sounds.

I gaze upon my phone as I focus to read the time, Six thirty. I turn to my dresser and open it, shut it, then open it once again. With glossy eyes and sleep crust in the corners of my eyes I stare at my tasteless options of clothes. "Woof-woof". The dogs bark. Suddenly it hits me. The door! Did my husband remember to lock it when he left? I dash across the house, sliding across the floor and dodging obstacles that sit upon the floor. I turn the knob, "clink, clink". I breath in deeply as I realize the door is locked. I walk slowly back to my room to begin dressing myself for the day. I pull off my night shirt, my shorts . . . My mind fades.

What if the door wasn't locked? What if someone came into my house while I was trying to change and took me or hurt me? "Bringg-bringg". My phone sounds as headlights light up my house. My ride is here for work. I rush to the door, trying to shake off the morning and get focus on the rest of my day. I check my hand three times to make sure I have the house key before I lock the door. I shut the door, twist the door knob back and forth twice, then bolt down stairs. My heart begins to beat fast as I'm pacing down the stairs. Before I get in the truck i gather myself and paste a smile across my face. As the truck takes off I light a cigarette. "Puff-puff" . . . My mind fades.

My mind is still in my current state of being but a little movie plays in the back of my mind. "Well it's going to be a beautiful week." thebroadcaster says as an image of a man opening my front door appears. "Honk-honk!" a car swerves to miss a dog on the road as the man walks into my house locking the door behind him. "Screech!" The truck comes to a sudden stop and the man slowly opens my bedroom door. "Puff-puff." I take another hit of my cigarette as the man pulls a knife from behind his back and raises up and then . . . "We're here." I snap back to reality. I gaze at the front doors to my office and in a zombie like state, I get out of the truck and begin to walk towards them.