anathema || TYLER JOSEPH/JENNA BLACK

five // leave me alone (don't)

another triggering chapter:
self harm, suicidal thoughts, disassociation.
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Tyler Tyler Tyler Tyler Tyler Joseph. Tyler Robert Joseph. Robert Tyler. Joseph Tyler Tyler. Robert Joseph. Tyler Tyler Tyler Tyler. Joseph.
(If you said it enough it started sounding like a not-word. A word that was not a word.)

(Are you sure, Tyler? You're crazy.)

Who are you?! What are you?!

   "Faggot."
"Disgusting."
"Disappointment."

"Tyler, Ty? Bud, she's gone. She left."

Tyler stood up and nodded, wiping at his eyes furiously. "You alright?" Tyler looked over to see his father, concern poorly-hidden on the elder man's face.

"'M fine," Tyler whispered, voice raspy and worn. Chris decided not to push it, but cast a forlorn glance at his broken son as the boy went up the stairs.

The moment he walked into his bedroom, his heart plummeted to his stomach. On his bed, he saw his girlfriend, knees to her chest as she hugged one of his hoodies.

"Ty—" she whispered, jumping up and running to hug him quickly. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, J," He whispered, as Jenna caressed his cheek slowly. "Babe, talk to me."

"J, I'm fine. Honestly. Just worn out."

Jenna nodded, and leaned on him. "You can talk to me if you need. I want to help you."

"I'm fine. I'm just gonna sleep. I'm sorry that tonight ended up like...this," he mumbled, and she shook her head.

"It's alright. Just rest, clear your head."

With a soft brush of her lips against his cheek, she bid him goodbye, then turned and left the large house. In the silence, Tyler felt the salty tears that had leaked from his eyes only moments before dry on his cheeks. In the next room, he could hear his sisters crying.

He hated it. He hated this. He hated the fact that she could come in and ruin everything with the snap of her fingers. He physically shook at the sight of her. Sons should not shake when they see their mothers.

He felt the tears well up again, and he scrubbed his face. He could hear them again—the voices. Like wisps of smoke, they hovered all around him, going in his ears and up his nostrils and filling his mouth; they suffocated the boy.

He felt defenseless as he succumbed to his own vicious demons.

He stumbled to the bathroom, trying to stay upright as he leaned against the tile countertop. As he stared into the mirror, at himself, he saw a different reflection. One of smoke and darkness, with ruby-red irises and a crude smirk.

"You deserve this, Tyler Joseph," The figure spoke, before letting out a bloodcurdling cackle, one that made the hairs on Tyler's arm stand on end.

He nodded in agreement, feeling numb as he rummaged through the drawers before pulling out the package of disposable razors and quickly taking out one of the flimsy blades. He ran his finger over the metal edge, barely pressing as he felt a slight sting on the calloused skin.

He pushed up his shirt sleeves, and sucked in a breath. "Break you streak. Do it. You want to feel something, right? Do. It."

He sobbed silently and quickly ran the thin edge along his veined forearm, feeling a bit disapointed as he saw it only left a pink scratch.

Deeper, Tyler. Cut deeper.

Soon, the boy was curled up on the floor, trickling trails of blood leaking from his arms to his t-shirt, weeping quietly as he told himself that HE DESERVED IT. HE DESERVED IT. YOU D E S E R V E IT.

STOP FUCKING CRYING NO ONE WANTED YOU ANYWAYS NO ONE SAID YOU COULD DO IT YOU WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING YOU ARE NOTHING YOU ARE DISGUSTING YOU—

Tyler's weeping is interrupted by his phone vibrating in his back pocket.

love❤️: hey ty idk how ur doing but i hope ur ok. listen to josh's anxiety playlist on spotify and drink tea and calm down. take deep breaths and call me if u want. i'll see you tmrw. i love you.

His fingers that were now covered in dried blood typed out a reply slowly.

ty💕: i love you so much and im sorry you have to put up with me because im so fucked up but i love you i love you
ty💕: im so fucking sorry jenna

They never sent.

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hey guys im sorry ive been inactive i literally have been so fucking unstable lately and the only reason why i come on here anymore is to see what cami posts and im sorry ill try to update but idk if ill do it soon or later but hopefully soon
xx ty