Complete Me (ON HOLD)

Apologies

Gavin

The loud chattering stops the moment Lily and I walk into the crowded living room. Everyone's eyes turns to us, some have shocked expressions on their faces while others just looks like they are unsure as to what they should do next. And to be entirely honest, neither do I. But to my surprise Lily puts on a big smile and step forward. She puts her hand out in front of her and greets the person nearest to her, which is my mother. My mother smiles brightly at her and greet her in very broken English.

"Nice to meet you, Lily," this sounds more like Lili than Lily, "I am Gloria, Gavin's mamá."

Lily glances my way for a split second before she turns back towards my mother with a polite smile on her face. I can't tell what she's thinking but I know there is a little confusion.

My mother turns towards the rest of the family and introduces Lily to them. All of them greet Lily in a friendly manner and I notice that some of them can even talk a bit of English, which surprises me because my mother was always set on us talking fluent Spanish. I am watching Lily getting pulled away by a group of woman around her age when I feel a presence next to me. I turn towards the person to find my mother watching me with a look in her eyes I can't decipher.

It's been years since I last saw her, much less spoke to her and from the wrinkles covering her face I could tell that the last few years weren't all that good to her. I must admit, seeing her face again made me realize how much I missed my mom.

"¿Peudo hablar con usted un minuto?" (Can I talk to you for a minute?) She asks silently.

I am hesitant for a moment before nodding my head and following her out to the back of the house. We don't say anything for a while as we walk through the garden I ran around in when I was just a toddler. I turn to my mother when she stops in front of the bench that Leo placed in between the flowers for her. She takes a seat on the bench and pats the space next to her for me to sit. I contemplate whether I should take a seat or keep standing and opt for the first choice. Once I am seated next to my mom she smiles softly before talking.

"How have you been?" she asks softly.

I sigh and stare out to all the flowers around us. "I've been great, I guess," I say absentmindedly.

I only say this to make her feel bad but the minute the words leave my mouth I feel regret and guilt coursing through me. And I guess my plan worked because after I say this, I hear a defeated sigh leave her lips.

After a while of sitting there in silence I hear her curse and see her turn to me in frustration. Unshed tears glisten in her eyes and I almost want to apologize for being the reason behind those tears.

"Gavin, I am so sorry!" she whispers in a broken sob, "If I could turn back the clock to that time I would have done something different. I would have stood up to him and I wouldn't have let his manipulative nature push me to a point of no return. I lost both my sons to that world, all because I wasn't a good enough mother to you or Leo. And for that I am truly sorry." At the last sorry she breaks down.

My chest aches as I sit there listening to her say the words I wanted to hear the day I left this place behind. One would hope that it would bring some type of satisfaction but it only makes me feel worse.

I turn to my mother to see if what she's saying is just another lie but her eyes only shines with deep regret. My heart hurts from seeing her like this and I decide to put my arms around her and pull her into a tight hug. As she continues to cry into my chest I take a deep breath before answering.

"You were a victim of his ruthlessness, there was nothing you could do once he had you where he wanted you," I try to assure her.

I want to keep silent after that but I know I have to keep talking, not just for my mother but for the both of us. We both have to get the regret and guilt out of our systems otherwise it will just keep gnawing on us and tear us apart piece by piece.