~Ashley~
I sat on the bed staring at the blank wall in shock. I found the man that had raped me. And I kissed him. It felt good, right. But when his arms wrapped around me I started panicking. I had chosen the cafe cause it was public. I didn't think he would do anything.
When he told me I nearly screamed. I wanted to scream and cry the way I couldn't the night it happened.
I didn't run though. He looked so sad, like he really did regret it. And he didn't try to hold me when I told him to let go. Maybe he isn't the same guy that raped me. He's changed right? I mean, I wouldn't be falling in love with the guy that raped me.
I sighed and looked at the bandana in my hand. I wore it every day since the night I was raped. It's like a reminder. Maybe I should get rid of it. I can burn it.
I stood up and walked to the kitchen and grabbed the trash can pulling it to the middle of the floor. I pulled the bag out so a huge fire wouldn't start. I grabbed a lighter and lit the bandana on fire then dropped it into the bin.
I heard a knock on the door and hesitated but walked over and peeked out. CC was standing there with a worried look on his face.
"Ash? Can I come in? " he asked. I nodded and opened the door for him. He closed it behind him and I went back to where the bandana was burning.
"Whats that?" CC asked standing next to me.
"His bandana." I mumbled watching it.
"His? " he looked confused then a knowing look crossed his face. "Andys."
I looked up, "You know?!"
He nodded slowly, "I didn't know it was you but I knew Andy raped someone. He's still in therapy because of it. He hates himself because of that night. When you left he told us that it was you."
I looked back at the bandana as tears began to slide down my cheeks. They knew. He told them. He's in therapy. Does he really regret it?
"I kissed him." I whispered.
"Before he told you? " CC questioned.
"No." I sighed. "After. I kissed him after he told me. I kissed him knowing he's the guy that raped me. Knowing he's the reason I can't be around guys without having panic attacks. He's the reason I have sex with all of those whores but I still kissed him. He's the reason I have so many problems, but I still did it."
"Why? " he looked at me confused.
" I don't know." I murmured, "I don't know why I did it. He was sitting there all vulnerable and sad. And I couldn't stop myself. But he reached out and pulled me closer and I panicked."
"Do you like him? " CC asked.
I shrugged," I don't know. I couldn't be with him anyways."
"Why not?! " he demanded.
"Chris I'm afraid to be around guys. Just talking to you is freaking me out. I can't date a guy. I could never have sex with his. We'd never have a good relationship." I said.
"Oh. " he mumbled and looked away. "But maybe you could be with Andy? I mean, maybe he can fix you."
I sighed, "I doubt it."
"At least stay in the band. We won't leave you guys alone. I know being on a bus with a bunch of guys isn't something you want but it could help." he said.
I frowned, "I don't know."
"Please Ashley?! " he begged.
I groaned and looked at him," Fine."
