Femmedreams: An L Word Fanfic

Chapter 2

Femmedreams: An L Word Fanfic

Chapter 2

[Author's Note: This is Part 2. So, unless you've read Part 1 you're gonna get confused. But maybe you like being confused. In that case- Hedgehog super potato dumplings rival upside down panda popsicles! ..Enjoy. Freak.]

Later that night at Helena Peabody's party, Bette and Shane sat outside on Helena's balconey drinking and talking.

"I think I'm going to call Carmen."

"Do you think it's been long enough?"

"I don't know? What's fucking long enough? I just can't live without her. Do you think she'll talk to me?"

Bette sipped her glass of burgandy wine, licking the flavor from her lips and looking out at the choppy waves. "I don't know Shane. Honestly I think what you did really hurt her and so there's a big chance she won't."

"Dammit, I just really need her to forgive me."

"That's really up to her."

Shane runs her hand through her hair and shakes her head, distraut. "How did you get Tina back? I mean after you..."

"Fucked another woman?"

"Yeah."

Bette frowns. "That's really not a good example considering she's fucking Henry whatever-the-Hell-his-name-is down the street."

"But that's not your fault, Bette. Don't blame yourself."

"How am I supposed to see her sudden sexuality change Shane? I can't fucking stop thinking it's my fault."

Shane scooted closer to her and put her arms around her waist and her head on her shoulder. Bette, in a sort of catatonia, sipped from her glass slowly.

Tina glanced at the window at the two huddled on the edge and changed her mind about going outside. She decided instead to talk to Alice, who was stationed on the leather futon, by herself, drinking a cosmopolitan.

"Where's Lara?"

"In France."

"Are you okay?"

Alice smiles. "Yes, I'm fine."

Verena, who'd only left to freshen her beverage returned and perched on the arm beside Alice. "Miss me?"

Alice emitted a chipper laugh. "Tina, this is Verena, Marina's friend from Italy."

Tina raised her eyebrow. "Italy, really?"

Tina remembered, vagually, Bette reading her one of Marina's emails where Marina mentioned a girl named Verena as her newest girlfriend. She watched her flirt with Alice and Alice, who was open and vulnerable from Dana's death, threw herself at her. "You do get around," Tina responded, and rose, changing her mind again. She thought that maybe she would mingle with Jenny or Marina, or Kit or Helena. But when she saw the four of them immersed in their own little social worlds, she sighed. She wasn't really a member of their group. She wasn't a real lesbian anymore. Getting her purse from the counter, she gave Marina a quick hug and told her she was glad to see her again. Then she made her leave, happy to at least get home to her daughter, who would always love her, regardless of her sexuality.

Actually, lately, she'd been questioning that again. Seeing Bette always did that to her. She worried that her choice to be with Henry was out of fear and not out of actual attraction. Deep inside her, she wondered if she'd gotten with Henry in an effort to provide Angelica with a real father. Unfortunately, Henry seemed less of a man than Bette. Thinking about her confusion made her sick.

Back inside, Marina was talking with some old friend. Nearby, Jenny, on her fourth Equious Veritas, leaned shakily against Helena's refrigerator and watched her.

Max, still sullen and hurt from Jenny's fling at Shane's would-be wedding walked up, sporting some manly carpenter jeans and a black button-up polo. He'd shaven off his scraggly, thin, mustache but a tuft beard was growing evenly from his chin.

"Hey Jenny. How many of those have you had?"

Jenny, seeing Marina now, radiant in a green dress and heels, couldn't remember any of the things that she found attractive about Max. She gulped another another swig of beer and tore her eyes away from the Tahitian and let them rest uneasily on her boyfriend, if that's what you'd call him.

"Does it matter? It's not you that's drinking them, is it?"

Max sighed. "Are you mad at me?"

"I'm just not very happy Max, so don't try me." She paused and looked away from him as a new person approached to join their group. "Marina."

"Hello Jenny," the gorgeous ebony-curled woman greeted her, smiling. "And you must be Jenny's boyfriend. Ah, Max, is it?"

Max was momentarily stunned by Marina's beauty, but it was hard not to be. "Uh, yeah."

Marina shook his hand. "It's very nice to meet you." She glanced at Jenny who looked simultaneously pissed and stunned. "Marina Ferrer," she added, providing him with her name.

"We used to sleep together," Jenny said, the alcohol making her bold and blatant. "She broke up my marriage."

Marina raised her eyebrows. "Everyone is responsible for their own actions, Jenny."

Jenny scoffs. "Oh FUCK ME Marina." She rolled her eyes, finished her beer and stomped out of the kitchen.

Max stared after her completely abhorred. "I'm so sorry. She's not usually like this. Well, actually. Yes she is. She's a bitch usually. I'm sorry."

Marina kept a straight face and firm jaw. "Don't apologize for her. It's not your fault, Max."

Max nods, and then shakes his head. "You know, it's not my problem anyways. Not anymore. We're broken up."

"You are?" Marina was surprised, maybe excited, if Marina could ever be described as excited.

"Yeah. She slept with a French girl at Shane's wedding."

"Oh."

"She's so...fucked up."

Marina looked after Jenny, who was wobbled outside to join Shane and Bette. She watched her messy attempt at sitting down. Then Helena walked past her line of sight and Marina, determined to get the plagued writer out of her mind, smiled at her.

"Not much of a party, I apologize," Helena said, coming up to join Marina and a now sour Max. "Everyone appears miserable. Well, perhaps, save for Alice and Verena." The three glanced over at the couple canoodling on the futon. "Ah, Max, glad you could make it."

"Yeah. Thanks. I should probably go."

"Oh, alright. Everything okay?"

Max watched Shane outside put her other arm around Jenny's shoulder. He frowned. "Yeah, fine." He went off, to leave, they supposed, and Helena gave Marina a questioning look.

"Max and Jenny are no longer a couple, I believe," Marina shared.

"Oh," The British woman looked to Jenny. "Ouch."

Outside, Jenny's world spun and not just from the alcohol. Really, she was just tipsy. She huddled against her  roommate and focused on not barfing. "...And she thinks she can come back to L.A. and act like nothing every fucking happened."

"Jen," Shane said, "She's here on business, remember."

"And she's moving back here! You don't understand."

Shane shrugged. "Guess not."

Bette looked over at Jenny. "I'm staying out of it."

Helena, back in the kitchen offered Marina some wine but she refrained. "I should probably go. I've apparently caused trouble."

"Jenny's just not dealing with your arrival very well," Helena explained. "She doesn't really deal with anything well. Ever. Just give her time."

Marina rose an eyebrow. "Do you think time is going to make her forgive me?"

Helena couldn't answer that.

Marina smiled regardless. "You've been a wonderful hostess. Excuse me."

She walked by the futon and touched Verena's shoulder. "I'm going to go back to the hotel."

Verena looked up at her. "Is everything alright?"

Alice frowned. "What's wrong Marina?"

"Nothing, nothing. I'm fine. Do you need me to come back and pick you up Verena?"

Alice shook her head. "I'll give her a ride."

On her way out Marina stopped in the driveway and looked down the hill at the evening surf washing the sand. She sighed.

Up on the back porch Jenny pushed off of Shane's shoulder and insisted on going for a walk.

Bette frowned. "Jenny, don't you think you've drank a little too much?"

"What's that have to do with me going for a walk?"

"It's a bad idea, Jen," Shane agreed. "You might fall in or something."

Waving her hand Jenny made her way to the stairs that led down to sea-level. "It's fucking great idea, Shane. Leave me alone." She wobbled the last couple of paces and leaned on the railing as she went down.

Shane stared after her, wondering if she should, really, have anything to worry about. "She's just kind of losing it," Shane mused aloud. "She's not saying what she means."

Bette replied, "She never says what she means. It's fucking Jenny. But do you trust her down there?"

Shane watched Jenny head down to the shore, her small, dark shadowed form moving slowly. "She's really taking this Marina thing hard."

Bette glanced over her shoulder. "By the way, where is she?"

Shane stood up. "No clue. I'm going to go talk to Jen for a few minutes. Take it easy, okay?"

Lopping after her, Shane made her way to her roommate, the cool evening sea breeze pressing on her cheeks. She stopped about ten feet away and slid her hands into her pockets.

Jenny sat down on her knees in the sand and clawed her hands into the grains, tossing handfuls of them at the water. Then she yelled out at the dark water, just a shout, feeling a small amount of stress go with the noise.

"Why Shane?" she said then. "Why the hell is she here?"

Shane approached her and knelt down and put her hand on Jenny's shoulder. "Jen, Marina's always been flighty. She does what she wants. She comes and goes and..."

"Fucks whoever she chooses?"

"Yeah."

"Shane, I love her. I love her. I'm fucking head-over-heels in love with her. She ruined my fucking life but I love her and my head feels like it's exploding."

Shane nodded, all knowingly. "Tell her."

Jenny shook head. "I can't. I'm just... I'm just going to have to deal with this feeling and not let it control me."

Shane pulled the other woman against her. "Sometimes love sucks, Jen, but you can't expect it to always be this bad."

Jenny blinked. "Why not?"

"Maybe she feels the same way?"

"It's been two years," Jenny responded, disheartened.

"And you're still completely head-over-heels, remember? Two years isn't very long."

They hugged for a moment and then Shane stood up. "You wanna go back inside?"

"I think I'm going to hang out here for a while."

"Okay," Shane turned away but then stopped. "Hey, you're not going to try and go swimming, are you?"

Jenny gave her a look. "I'm tortured. I'm not fucking psycho."

Shane laughed. "Okay, okay. If you change your mind, come and get me and we'll swim together. Okay?" She headed back up and sat back down with Bette, Alice, Verena and Helena who had came outside to mingle. Bette appeared to be happier, if only temporarily.

"Is she...?"

Shane shrugged. "She's okay. Has it gotten colder?"

Alice stood up. "I vote for more indoors."

Meanwhile, Marina Ferrer questioned her intentions. She tapped her long island fingers on her steering wheel and made a very important decision. She turned the car around and went back.

Jenny Schecter watched the albino crabs scuttle in the surf and let the stead, cool breeze of the sun push her hair back from her forehead. What did she want? What did she need? It was obvious to her from the moment she came back from her honeymoon with Tim. She knew the second she saw that gorgeous woman serving coffee, late afternoon, her face troubled. It was then that she knew. So why was she so fucking messed up? Why the cheap, impassioned relationships? Why the pain, the torture, the apathy? She was struggling. Marina ruined her. She showed her passion, sex, of course, and love. But then she tore all of that away and destroyed her. Is that why she did what she did? Jenny knew they'd both paid for their ignorance. She knew ultimately what she wanted. But she had insane trouble admitting it, or getting it.

Marina slid out of the the car seat, closing her Mustang door, and left the driveway, following the perimeter of the house down to the beach behind it. Her steely eyes scanned the horizon. She was sure of she wanted. She had thought about it nearly every second for two years. Misfortune and stupidity had set them back, but she knew.

Jenny shoved her small hands into her pockets and tried to brace herself against the chilling breeze.

"Do you like the beach?" a liquid voice said then, from behind her.

Jenny flipped around. "Marina?"

"Yes."

She stood very still, unable to believe at first that she was actually there. "Yes. The beach is beautiful."

The tall, Tahitian woman kept her distance. "It's amazing how just water can keep two women from communication for two years."

"What was I supposed to do Marina? Call you?"

"I don't know."

"What gives you the right to act so cool about this?"

Marina lifted her chin, doing her best to keep her shield up. "You hurt me too, Jenny. It wasn't just me."

"You were with Francesca. And I wanted you."

"I wanted you too, Jenny. I called you."

Jenny shook her head, exaperated. "I was trying to move on! You can't just...Just try to date my girlfriend to get at me and then fucking call and leave a fucking message like that on my answering machine!"

Marina said nothing. She couldn't think of reasons to condone her actions. So instead, she just stood on the beach and watched Jenny seethe. Then she stepped up to her and kissed her. After a few moments, she said, "Jenny, do you want to go back to my hotel room..and talk?"

XXX