Imagine

Imagine love

Imagine being in love with a student who sits in front of you in history. Never ever did you have skills to talk o people, especially one you like. If you talked to your friends your intend had always been to make everyone like you, and everyone likes funny people, right? So you decided to just be the clown of the group, the one who always laughs, who would never be mad or even sad. Because that would make the others dislike you, wouldn't it? Every time you meet up with your friends you are the one who jokes around. About you, about your disabilities, everything that you are seems to be a joke. Mostly you get a lot of laughter from what you say. But just talking with someone? It seems so difficult! What if they don't like your ? You know that you can be extreme about rights for women and the LGBTQ community. How could you not as you are one of them? Though the people you talked about it since now seem to have a hard time getting what you say without making a feminazi of you. Which you aren't. Or maybe you are, if having strong opinions makes you a feminazi then you are, and you are one with pride.Anyway, would the student like the real you?

Before you just had one real relationship which ended with you feeling sick. Ended with you thinking you had an allergies to kissing. I didn't really end well for both of you because you ended it with a whatsapp message which said "I'm sorry, I can't be with you. It is because of me, not you.". Such a cliche! And you weren't able to solve the kissing/touching problem until today, so why even put energy into talking with this student? Why risk anything? Why not go on as if nothing ever was. And so you let the year pass. Staring at the student every minute he looks away. Thinking of what could it be for you. What you could get from them, what you could give! Oh the things you would like to be for others. Be a friend, a lover, a comedian, a listener. All the things you could do for your significant other! Make them laugh, help them when they don't know which way to go! Bake them treats when they don't feel good! Tell them how much they are worth when they feel as if all they are good for is to fail. Sing for them if they can't sleep, calm them down when they are angry, comfort the when they fell that depressed that they don't think they could be able to get up anymore. But as always you let the possibility go, let the chance pass. Do nothing but wait for the feelings to get lost.