The Imperfect Perfections

Chapter 2: A Piece Of Trash

Shane's POV:
I'll admit that I'm a pretty lonely guy. If making 7 videos a week, including diabetic milkshakes and taste testing junk food. If this doesn't make me sound like a loner, I don't know what is. I've only had a couple intimate relationships in my life and always thought that they were the one, but I guess not. I gave up trying after Lisa, my one and only soulmate who will ever understand me. We fit together perfectly as friends but we are total strangers when it comes to romantic shit. I guess I kinda hit rock bottom at this point. There's fucking 7 billion people in this world and somehow I'm still single... Haha.
Nowadays, I download as many dating apps as I can till my storage runs out. You'll never know where you'll find the perfect match, it could even be on a dating app called Lolligagging and Dancing. Believe me, IT EXISTS. How was the Dodo Bird extinct before this app? This is the most stupid app in the universe... Well, there could be worse, check out my friend Jenna Marbles' video on THE WORST APPS. *wink wink
I come across this app called Bumble. Hmm I'll try this, since I REALLY DON'T WANNA BE LONELY! Ok, time to set up my account. Name... Uh Shane Dawson, duh. "Turn on location?"--- uh yeah. I'm not gonna date someone in Africa, are you crazy?! Date of Birth: July 19, 19___, I like to keep that blank on the internet because uhh I don't want anyone to think I'm getting old. Like it's already hard enough to walk my dog. Ok, moving on. Bio-- ooh WHAT SHOULD I SAY?! The possibilities are literally endless. Let's be honest, I'm a getting straight to the point guy so let's see....

Bio: Hi I'm a piece of trash so please pick me up! *wink wink. Ignore my fat legs. I have 10 million subs on YouTube. Warning: I can swallow food whole.

PERFECT

Now I have to choose a profile pic? Are you kidding me. I'm scrolling through my photos to see if I look attractive in any of them, which is none of them... Ooh wait, there's a photo of me and Uno! Yes! People dig dogs right?
I tap select and look over my information. As I press done I think "Will this app lead me to my destiny...?"
A notification pops up: Now you are ready to explore the world! Swipe left to skip and swipe right if you're interested!
This seems like a fun game I guess. Like what better things I can do... Play with my dog? Nah maybe later.
I look through all these people, wow, there's a lot of desperate people like me on here! It seemed like I was on this app for ten minutes. I look up at the clock and see that it's 9 pm. I've been on this app for the past 5 hours. This is just like an addictive game. I found no one yet. I guess I'm a very picky guy! After this batch, I'm gonna take a break.
Last batch:
Sydney Pomer: Nah, she's way too hot. She definitely will cheat on me. Left

Kasey Retcher: 68?! She's way too old for me. I should set some age ranges for Bumble. Left

Carol Bunt: I think that was the hooker I saw across the street when my friends and I went partying. Let's be honest, I have no friends. I was so drunk that I almost picked her up. Don't worry, I don't drink and drive, I was in an Uber... Left

Anita Boyfruend: Her name is literally a pun. I NEED A BOYFRIEND-- Anita Bofruend. What the fuck. Why are there catfishers on here ugh. Left

Gabrielle Hanna: Wow. She is so beautiful. So stunning. It seems like she'll have many flaws too. You know, I can tell. She is my match, I hope she says the same. Gabrielle, what a beautiful name. She seems like a keeper. Right

I'm finally done with my final batch. I walk to my bed as Uno follows behind. I lay there just thinking, "What if Gabrielle swiped right on me? What if she likes me?" I don't keep my hopes high because again, I'm fairly still a piece of trash. But what if she says yes?