Self Inflicted - Ashton Irwin

Chapter 2.

So after my mum got angry at me for leaving a fork in the sink, I went upstairs and had a shower. Now I'm laying in bed scrolling through the Harry Styles tag on Tumblr. Yes the dude from One Direction. I know I don't seem like a One Direction fan which is good because otherwise I'd probably get picked on for that too. but anyway, I love One Direction, aka "the boys." You'd think I would have gotten over this by now but no. I don't think I ever will. I don't think anyone in the 'real world ' knows that I like them. Moving on. Basically the reason I had to become rude and sarcastic and all that is because these girls in my grade 9 class, however many years ago that was, used to pick on me about my looks, I had braces but that was it. I look the same as I do now and quite frankly, I get hit on a lot. So I don't know what was going on with those girls but anyway, they used to say so much shit about me that one day I thought I would scare the shit out of them. I don't know why but I had them as friends on Facebook, so I posted a status simply saying "I'm no longer needed here. My time's up. Catch you on the flip side." and I went offline without replying to anyone's worried questions and didn't show up at school for a few days. During those few days I started to think about everything, like how my dad used to abuse my mum and how my mum is an alcoholic psychopath and I just had a mental breakdown and went in to a state of depression where no one could stop me, not that anyone cared. I started cutting. The first time, I made 3 small cuts on my wrist. The second time, I made 5. The third time, I made 10 on each wrist. This continued on for days until my mum made me go back to school saying "you aren't sick anymore you piece of shit, go to school." She's lovely isn't she? When I got back to school, everyone stopped picking on me, they stopped talking to me, they started looking at me as if I was some sort of science project. They were so scared of me but I don't know why. it had nothing to do with them. Someone saw when I began to cut my thighs and reported me to head of year 9 and I had to begin counselling and shit. I admit, it did help, but I could have given up any time I wanted. Year 9 was the last time I cut and no, I don't call myself "3 and a half years clean!" No. I don't draw attention to it because quite frankly, I don't care anymore. It made me stronger, I know how cheesy that sounds but it's true, if someone even looks at me weirdly I just give them the finger or cuss at them. I find it funny, well I find everything funny but still. Okay I'm going to stop talking about that now. Okay so to do list:

To do -

~ Find an apartment

~ Find an apartment

~ Find an apartment

Ok.

I opened realestate.com and scrolled for about an hour, through apartments close to Monash Uni. Yeah I know, I actually got accepted, I couldn't believe it. All of these apartments are too expensive to rent myself and I am not looking at moving in with some random. I sighed and closed my laptop and went underneath my duvet. My bed is so warm oh my god. I just remembered I have work tomorrow, ew. I work at a restaurant in the CBD. I don't get paid an awful lot but I suppose, I'm a waitress. I've been working there for a year and it's alright I guess. When I wait for orders to come through from the kitchen, I watch everyone in the restaurant and judge them, my specialty. Like the blonde lady who came in yesterday, she had so much makeup on she could barely see and her husband was so old he looked like he could drop dead any minute. Stuff like that keeps me occupied. I rolled on to my side and started thinking about random crap. Like, 'are zebras black with white stripes or white with black stripes?' or 'why does my uterus insist on trying to kill itself every month?' After about half an hour of this I finally went to sleep.

Great. It's 5:34am and I just woke up. I have a habit of waking up super early on weekends and feel the need to sleep until 12pm on weekdays. I can't lay here anymore or I'll die from boredom. I got up and went in to the bathroom to put some makeup on. Well foundation and a bit of mascara. Once I did that and brushed my teeth and put my hair up into a ponytail because I can't be stuffed curling my hair like I'm gonna meet the queen when I'm only going to the shops. I changed into high-waisted jeans, a grey long sleeve top and a black coat, I'm not leaving without it today, and I put on my patent black dr martens. I decided to catch the train today since it's quicker than trying to find a park anywhere with all these roadworks around. I walked to the train station and luckily there was a train coming in 10 minutes that led right to Flinders Street Station, which means Topshop is only a five minute walk. White girl moment, sorry. I may not eat like a lady, but I can shop like a lady. While I was waiting for the train, I pulled my purse out and organised it, putting all the cards in order and all the coins in the zip pocket. I grabbed my phone out and went on Twitter. Notification? But I haven't tweeted in days? I clicked on the connect button and turns out it was just some ad to 'lose 400 kilos in just one day!' Ugh no thanks. I felt the bench sink I a bit, meaning someone sat down. Not in the mood for social interaction. Wait when am I ever in the mood for it? I put my phone away and then I heard the voice of whoever the hell sat down.

"Hey babe, remember me? I've been waiting for you to call"

"Cool"

"Where are you going?"

"Topshop"

"Can I come with you?"

"You want to go shopping? With me? No thanks"

"Please, let me make it up to you"

"I'm over it, don't worry"

"I still feel bad. I don't care what you say, I'm coming with you"

"Whatever but don't look at me, don't breathe in my direction and definitely do not talk to me"

"Wow okay, I'll try"

We sat in silence for five more minutes and the train arrived. I sat down next to the window and of course Ashton sat next to me. I could feel him looking at me and I just wanted to backhand him but I don't exactly want to get arrested for physical abuse on a train, so I'll wait until we get off. Every time Ashton tried to make conversation I would shut him down.

"So what else are you doing today?"

"Working"

"Where do you work?"

"None of your business"

"Tell me"

"Piss off"

"Okay calm down."

That's how every conversation went. The train stopped finally, after what felt like a million years, and I stood up and went to walk past Ashton but he pulled me on to his lap

"WHAT THE HELL YOU FREAK LET GO OF ME"

"Hahahahaha calm your tits"

He let go of me and I turned around to face him and slapped him right on the face. "Is that all you got babe?" He said with a smirk on his face. I stormed off and heard him yell "BABE IT WAS A JOKE IM SORRY!" I just kept walking out of Flinders Street Station and on to the busy streets of Melbourne's CBD. I could still hear Ashton yelling out "KAT WAIT!" I kept walking and weaved between business men and women. After 5 minutes of dodging people I finally lost him. I entered the heavenly world that is Topshop and I could smell new clothes already. I grabbed about 10 items and went into the dressing rooms to try them on. I tried on a black bodycon dress, with cut outs above my boobs but it was still classy, with silver heeled sandals. I walked out of the change room to look in the mirror and of course the one and only Ashton is sitting there.

"QUIT FOLLOWING ME, FREAK"

"Shush! Don't make a scene!"

"DONT TELL ME TO SHUSH"

"Damn you look good in that dress, you gonna buy it?"

"Perv. And no I'm not going to buy it because I have no reason to, I don't go out so there's no point buying a party dress if I don't go clubbing anyway."

"Fine how about I buy the dress and take you clubbing tonight?"

"No I'm not going anywhere with you, and I'm definitely not going on a date with you!"

"Have it your way then."

"I will."

I made sure to walk back to the dressing room in a sexy way. Well I tried to, I doubt it was sexy but oh well.