The Ability To Feel

Author's Note *MUST READ*

Hey everyone, so most of you know me because I'm one of your friends from school and some may know me because I told everyone on my snapchat and Instagram to check out this short story I wrote.

But anyways, for those who don't know me, my name is Mariah and I am 14 years old.

So the reason why you guys need to read this author's note is because I want to e plain this whole story to you guys.

So this story is actually real, everything in this story has actually happened.

The first three chapters takes place around the second week of school.

And the My Hell's Creator and the Reality=Nightmares chapters all take place around October.

So the story basically describes my emotions, my feelings.

The story talks about my depression, my nightmares, my fears, etc. I guess you can think of it almost like a diary? Maybe? I don't know. To me it's not really much of a diary. But anyways. . .

I want to explain the My Hell's Creator chapter, cuz I'm guessing that the chapter didn't really make much sense to you guys.

So in this chapter, this is the day where I visit my biological mom. I am terrified of my mother to be honest. That's why she always appears as a dark evil figure or as the devil in my story.

Another thing to note! Is that the reason why I always use "my hell" or "this hell" is because hell, in this story, is another word for life.

Basically the hell in this story is my life. And I really want to escape this hell (life).

What this means is that I want to end everything. I want to end my depression, I want to end my nightmares and the only way to do that is to keep the "devil" away from me.

So the conversation between me and the "devil" is an argument. In reality I'm telling my mother to stay out of my life, I just want to live the rest of my life in peace. Yet she just starts to make things worse.

And the part where I fall into darkness and demons start to conquer my mind.

That represents how my depression starts to get worse and I start to feel more unstable.
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Now I want to explain the last chapter.

The last chapter, 7 Years Later, is the only one chapter that has never actually happened in real life.

This chapter is just a thought, it's a thought that I have a lot.

In this chapter I am no longer 14. I am now around 21-23 years old. Somewhere around there.

But this is like a happy place for me.

This is my life after I have finally escaped the hell I had been living in.

Or so I thought.

In the end the dark figure comes back. Now you may think that this dark figure is my mother but no, this time the dark figure is me.

When everything good in the chapter disappears and all the bad starts to settle in that represents that no matter if I do remain peaceful for the rest of my life, I will never forget my past.

My past will haunt me and I will still have nightmares and terrifying thoughts.

I cannot escape everything. It is impossible to do so.
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Now some of you are probably wondering why I wrote this. I mean isn't this all a bit too personal?

Well yes it is, but at first when my depression and the nightmares began to kick in, I was pretty unstable. I didn't tell anyone about my depression or about what I was really feeling and whenever I tried I would have a hard time telling them.

I avoided my friends and family. I always wanted to be alone. I never ate, I hardly ever slept. I was just a huge mess and I wanted to tell someone but I couldn't.

Because when it comes to having to talk about my emotions aloud, I have a really hard time with it. I can never explain my true emotions.

I thought that the best way to explain everything was to write it as a story. So I did and I actually enjoyed writing it.

At first I thought about keeping the story to myself but then I thought that maybe I should actually have people read it. So I decided to tell people about it.
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Another thing I almost forgot to mention, is that the chapter, My Hell's Creator, also isn't really much true.

In the chapter I said that I am visiting my biological mom. Actually I didn't visit her. I was supposed to visit her on the 22nd of October but that ended up not happening because of the argument we had.

But the 21st is the day I talked to her on the phone. She wouldn't stop calling so when I picked up I was really harsh on her. I told her everything! I told her about my depression, my nightmares, how I'm terrified of her.

I was very very harsh. And to be honest I regret saying all those harsh things to her. After I hung up, I then realized that we were very much alike.

We're both selfish people. She only cares about herself and no one else.

And at that time I only cared about myself, I didn't stop to think and understand everything she was saying.

Instead anger had taken over me and I lashed out on her.

I really wish I could take back everything. But why would I take back the truth? How can I take back the truth. . . .
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So that's pretty much the explanation of the story. I hope the story interested you guys and I hope you guys somewhat enjoyed it I guess.

But yeah, if you guys have any questions go ahead and leave comments and I'll reply right back.

If you guys want, you can also follow me and I'll follow back.

I'm also thinking about writing another story! I'm not really planning this next one to be about me or my life.

But I do want it to be interesting, so if you guys have any ideas you guys can go ahead and let me know.

Anyways thank you guys for reading this and I hoped you enjoyed! 😁