It's been 5 months since the whole situation and I've been working and worrying about my family and friends. Nate found someone new and I ain't tripping because it's his life and I ain't worried bout it.
I've been working a lot and just living life. Dudes be trying to flirt but I just brush them off and keep it pushing. What's the point because this generation is messed up on everything. We don't see personality or anything we just see if he fine or not and that's what I don't get. You have the love of your life standing right in front of you but you would be blinded by a fine dude behind him.
I don't think I can ever fall in love... Yes I can love but those are 2 different things we can all say I love you to someone but to say I'm in love with you can make the whole difference. Like its hard to find love these days because everyone is blinded by all these different things.
Sometimes I fell so empty like I don't have nothing to live for... I just want things to be different and not the way it is. But we live in a cruel world that don't care about you at all. You have to fight for what you want and don't let anyone or anybody run over you.
Some ppl go their whole life without finding someone to love and I feel like I am one of those ppl.
" India where u at girl?" Jessica called out
" Up here" I said
She came up stairs and walked in my room and I guess she knew what was wrong even though u couldn't tell.
" Baby girl are you ok?" She said
It's like when u say that to someone who is hurting they just let it all out. That's exactly what I did.
" listen to me India don't let that have you thinking and dwelling about it. You have to move past that and let it stay in the past because it's surely not your future. You are going to find someone that is going to treat you like the queen you are!" She said hugging me
"It's not that simple Jessica!! You have someone that loves you for you. I don't have anyone because everyone I do love they end up breaking my heart... Just breaking it until it can never be repaired. They do some damage that can never be repaired ever.... I'm sick of it I'm done with trying to find someone to love me and trying to make them stay." I cried out
" Love means NOTHING to me" I said as I cried in her arms
She just keep telling me everything was going to be alright but it wasn't.
I fell asleep...
NATE POV
I couldn't stop thinking about india and what I've done to her and Darwin gave me hell when he found out what I did to her. That's like his sister and he doesn't like when ppl mess with the ppl he love.
India blocked my number and everything else I guess she is done with me hell I would be done with me. I hate it that I broke her after she told me what her ex did to her bc it seems like it was the same beast wearing a different mask. I was that beast that repeated the same pain to her. She hates me probably and doesn't want to see me ever again.
" Baby what are you thinking about?" Raven asked as we watch Tv but I wasn't watching
" Nun Raven" I said
" Ok" she said and continued to watch tv
I shook my head and grab my keys and told her I was gonna out for a while. I got in my car and drove for what it felt like hours. I came around India house and parked across the street. I just stared wondering what she is doing... The only reason I'm with Raven because I picture her as India. Nothing else and I know that's wrong but believe it or not I really love India. She is like a breath of fresh air to me and I can't find no one like her.
Raven started calling my phone but I ignored it. It's was 11:00 at night and I wasn't even paying attention. I started up my car and drove home and Raven must have left and went back to her place. She is prob mad but she'll be alright.
I just got in bed and look at the ceiling for awhile until I fell asleep...
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I've been gone for a long time but I'm back and I'm better
School started awhile and they just throwing stuff but I'll try to update but we have a 4 day weekend so I'll update
