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my goal of this chapter is to make people cry
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karen wheeler. no, she didn't deserve that last name. she couldn't even keep the man that it belonged to. karen mason was her name. mason was her name while she was still innocent. before she found herself married to a man she didn't love, and a man she barely knew.
her mother and father had gone through a rough patch, resulting in the loss of their bakery, which lead them to fall into a tremendous amount of stress, and dig themselves into a pile they couldn't get out of. karen mason, nineteen at the time, had just graduated from high school, when she met ted wheeler. he was sweet to her. he treated her with respect. she guessed that after she said yes, the sugar coating of his love wore off, and he exposed his true self. she didn't care. she knew that she didn't have the funds to live on her own, and her parents were in need of financial aid. she married for the money. and she hated herself every time she looked in the mirror. she hated herself every day for it.
her parents had moved in with them early onto the marriage. karen didn't care. it was helpful to have some support in this toxic relationship. nancy came first, after him insisting that she have his children. she was shielded from her father's resentment and bitterness. mike was next, five years later. holly came eleven years after, as a surprise to karen. she didn't mind, however. she just wanted to be happy. her mother and father moved out soon after holly was born, as they had been moved to the basement. karen was distraught at having no support, and let the emotional state she was in when ted left lead her to become, well, mental. she felt terrible for shutting down, but she had given him as much of her life as he had wanted, and he just left. he walked out on her and their three children. she felt as if he had poured every part of his already shallow heart into each of their children, and left. she didn't understand how someone could leave like that. how someone felt they could have the power to walk out on her. have the power to walk out on their second grader, their high schooler, and her. nancy had moved out a while ago.
however, as karen woke up from her shallow nap, she saw the silhouette of her daughter, nancy. "oh my goodness. mom?! is this how you've been living?" she heard her daughter ask, horrified. karen hadn't showered. she hadn't left her room in three days. she hadn't eaten. her life was falling apart. hell, she wasn't even able to take care of herself, how could she have taken care of holly? holly. her beautiful little baby girl. her blonde hair was often tied into pigtails or braids, with bright hair ties she had begged her mother to buy. karen would always give in with a smile. anything to make her baby happy. she was the same with mike. her children had become everything to her— the way it should have been all along. holly would sit in the shopping cart, bouncing around excitedly as her mother took her around the grocery store, purposely taking too long on certain aisles, or "forgetting" to get things on others; all so she could spend more time pushing her baby around in a cart. mike had grown out of it by third grade. she hoped holly wouldn't. mike was always mature. he was like his sister, nancy, in the sense that they, like their mother, cared about what others thought and said. holly was too young, too innocent, too oblivious to notice something was wrong. and karen loved that. she loved being able to make silly voices and faces with her little girl, pushing her around the grocery store until her feet hurt, and holly had been covered in boxes and bags of food. she would always giggle and point to the junk food aisle, or ask if they could bake something. holly loved baking, karen assumed that she had inherited this love from her grandmother, and she
certainly received her talent. by the time second grade had started, she was helping her mom bake and ice cakes for birthdays, and make lunches and dinners.
"mom! mom! listen to me, please." her oldest pleaded, snapping her out of her daze. "mom, please, take a shower and get dressed. we're going to go visit holly, then go with a search party to look for mike. they think they know where he may have gone off to." the last sentence seemed to snap karen out of her daze, as she stood up promptly, and nodded, allowing herself to be engulfed in a warm hug from nancy, feeling the steadiness she provided, in contrast to her trembling state.
she showered and got ready, the steam from the too-hot shower filling the bathroom as she got dressed, and ready to see her daughter for the first time in days, her eyes catching her own in the mirror, and her heart breaking a little more. her eyes were sunken and red, and she had greying hairs at the front of her head. cosmetics didn't matter at this point.
she needed to recover.
