Fragments - Book One of the Missing

Chapter 17 - Rowan

Taniel was always on edge. One step away from shutting down or walking away. At first she found it peculiar. He wasn't on the run like she was. No one was looking for him. He just wanted to stay off the radar. It made her uncomfortable, even, as a constant reminder of why she was here, and why she was with these two.

But before she knew it, she started to realize there was as much of his past he kept secret as she did. And he could be quiet, and withdrawn—but he did take her off the streets, no questions asked. It was just this feeling that she had. Like she was safe. At first she was wary. But eventually she found it comforting—it seemed like Taniel was always looking out for the team, not just himself. It was a feeling in her gut that she knew he had her back.

And then he seemed as disturbed as she did about these things happening to them. That they could see and feel things that they were never meant to. He seemed to understand, without even knowing. Would he feel the same way if he knew what she did?

But even as Scooter's outrageous jokes and personality melded with Taniel's care, and even as they felt more like her people, she was hesitant to share her own story. If anyone ever knew what she had done so many years ago, they would judge. Just like her father. Probably the Officials too.

She had spent so long suppressing this curse that she didn't even truly understand it. She didn't know if she had ever, for a single second, embraced it the way Taniel had. He had let his dreams become a part of his life.

Then again, as she looked down at her ungloved hands and the book in them, she knew she was wrong. Reading for her was like drawing for him. Gift incarnate. She read to live, really breathe in the books. To be one with the book. See and feel something different. He drew to bring the dreams to life.

What Taniel could do, it had brought him to her... twice. He thought the dreams alerted him of something coming. But what if it wasn't? What if it was more of a curse like her own idiosyncrasy? Or that he would be the ying to her yang, a gift to her curse.

She was so confused. She didn't know what to think. Regardless of how it all played out, she was grateful to know someone else was plagued by the same uncertainty.

Pulling on the gloves, she looked over to where Taniel was drawing on the couch. His shoulders hunched over and he stared intensely at the sketchbook on his lap.

"How do you do it?" she asked.

"Do what?" he said, looking up.

"Embrace the dreams, the drawing."

He sighed and closed the book. "It took a really long time, probably longer than I care to admit. I always thought I had a problem and maybe it was. But after a while, it was the only piece of the old me I had left. I had lost my family, my home, and my freedom. I never loved having the dreams. The one that plagued me for years was terrifying. But a comfort in its own way, if only because the dream was so familiar." He leaned back into the couch. "I was more terrified when I met you, and it felt like everything was about to change. In a way, it has. The dreams changed, and my life changed again. I just want to know me."

Rowan nodded. She could understand that.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. And she truly was, for a lot of things. She had been so fortunate as to have her whole family intact for so long, despite how messed up it was. And even then, she had people to anchor herself to. She may have hated herself, but she knew who she was. For so long she knew where she stood in this world, at least until now.

"Yeah, me too." He dropped the sketchbook onto the coffee table. "Listen, I have to get to work. You okay on your own here?"

"I'll manage. Safer than where I was."