Fragments - Book One of the Missing

Chapter 42 - Rowan

 The loft was quiet without Scooter around. He never came back home last night. She didn't want to be worried, but she couldn't stop the torrent of nagging thoughts creeping into her mind. Was he lying dead in a ditch somewhere? Did the surgery go wrong? Did he go Missing, too? Did the Underground get him? Was he safe?

She wasn't so concerned last night when Taniel brought her home, drunk from both the alcohol and euphoria of the evening. When Taniel danced with her, she felt like nothing else existed but the two of them. And the rare smile on his face the entire evening made her heart grow two sizes.

But when they got home, the giddiness of the evening wore off, and she realized who and where she was. She remembered that a relationship was something she couldn't afford. One without trust was nothing at all.

He did save her in the tunnel, but she still couldn't forgive him for Olive's disappearance. It was a betrayal of the acutest kind. For now, she reminded herself, she needed Taniel to help her. And if she was being honest with herself, she couldn't say she loathed his company. She could work on distancing herself after they saved Olive.

Outside the world was gray and meek. More snow fell after she came home last night, blanketing the city. She put her hand to the glass, feeling the chill seep into her bones with Taniel came over and stood next to her.

"He's going to be alright, you know." He said it as if he knew the fears running through his head.

She wanted to turn to him, for him to pull her into his chest and tell her everything was going to be okay. That it would all be over soon. Instead, she willed herself to stare straight ahead and say nothing.

"Can we talk?"

She nodded before looking at him. His eyes were full of an emotion she couldn't read—regret? Resignation? She followed him to the couch. She sat on the far side of the couch, leaving herself enough room to cross her legs and face him. He ran his hand through his hair a few times before speaking.

"I read the rest of my father's journal." A pause. This not what she was expected. Not even close. "Much of the beginning was the history of him and my mother, some history of Embla even. Most of it I think is a gift, him telling me the things he never could. But at the end, he sketched a dream—one with you and me in it." He swallowed hard.

"You have those all the time. Maybe he knew we would find our way to each other to understand ourselves."

"No, I don't think that's it. See, it's a dream that I have been having too. My father and I had the same dream."

"What are you not telling me?"

"Everything was on fire. I felt lost, like I couldn't find anyone. Like I had lost someone important. And Rowan, the fear... the fear was tangible."

His words made her nervous. She looked down at her hands for signs they might betray her and start burning the world at her fingertips. He took her hand in both of his.

"Just be careful, okay?"

Not knowing what to say, she just nodded. She didn't want to lift her face to his, didn't want to see her fear mirrored in his eyes.

"Rowan, I'm terrified. I could feel the fire through my dreams." She looked up, his eyes bared into her own. "I cannot stand to lose you." At those words, she felt her resolve start to crumble.

****

"I had a similar night," Scooter said after coughing for their attention.

Rowan jumped up to wrap him in a big hug. "Stars! You are alright!"

Taniel stood up after her, taking his time. He showed none of the same elation that Scooter was home, safe. In fact, Rowan could see his eyebrows drawing together and the tightening of his jaw.

"Nothing happened," she said. She didn't know why she felt the need to defend herself. "Where have you been?"

"Further than you, apparently," Scooter said, snickering. Rowan's ears turned bright red, but Taniel glowered at him.

"Don't you dare," Taniel said, his words clipped with thinly veiled anger.

"Alright," he said, his hands up in mock surrender. "I went to this girl's apartment. I met her at the bar last night. Name's Meera." He walked out, not bothering to wait for Taniel's response.

"What was that about, Rowan?" Taniel asked her, one eyebrow raised.

"Ugh, just forget it." She left Taniel standing alone.

His eyes followed her all the way back to her partition. When she knew he could no longer see her, she laid on the bed and buried her head in the pillow. She was so confused. Her emotions were playing with her. She was only strong to a point, this was all too much. Olive, Taniel, her family, Scooter. She needed to more for them. Better for them.