Fragments - Book One of the Missing

Chapter 32 - Taniel

His feet were heavy, shuffling one after another up the stairs to the loft. The climb had never bothered him until now, when he could stop on any step and sleep for eternity.

He paused on the fourth landing, debating if the cold cement floors could serve as a bed for the night. It would make avoiding Rowan easier. He certainly did not want to face her after everything that had happened.

Don't think about it. He pushed the guilt from his mind and stared at the step ahead of him. Scooter looked down his long nose at him, exasperated. Taniel shrugged his shoulders and begrudgingly moved forward again.

Head down, he didn't notice that it wasn't Scooter who opened the door. Or that he hadn't gone inside. Taniel walked right into him, and staggered back. When Taniel regained his footing, he noticed what stopped him in his tracks. Rowan was standing in the doorway, arms crossed across her chest.

Her eyes were red-rimmed, moisture still clung to her lashes. But her face was one of cold fury. Taniel tried to gulp down his trepidation. He knew what was coming, but he could have used a short nap to prepare for this.

Scooter took a long look between the two of them before silently sliding past Rowan into the apartment. She doesn't bother to close the door behind him.

"Did you know?" her voice was quiet, but with a recognizable edge.

Honesty didn't always win, Taniel knew that. Every answer damned him, so he held his tongue.

"Did you know?" she enunciated every word as if loading bullets one by one into a gun. "Did you know it would be my sister?"

The anger rolling off her in waves was downright terrifying. Taniel couldn't say anything. But he didn't have to. The look on his face was enough to tell her everything she needed.

Rather than the angry outburst Taniel expected, she surprised him. "You didn't care enough to tell me?"

"I didn't know if I could change the dream. Hamza tried to get me there, but I couldn't. I just wasn't ready." There weren't any straws for him to grab at; his attempts at explaining himself proved futile.

She nodded and disappeared into the apartment.

Taniel stood rooted to the spot, unsure of what to do next. She returned with a jacket and swung a bag over her shoulder. She stopped long enough to give him one long death stare.

But she didn't bother with him for too long. She planted a quick, sharp punch to his stomach, full of her energy. He grunted, but tried to stand tall in front of her.

Rowan lost her sister today. But Taniel lost someone, too. He lost his Rowan.

****

Stars knew, Taniel desperately needed the sleep. It just wouldn't come. Dangling in front of him, the prize so close he could smell it. Instead, he spent hours sitting on the bed biting his nails. He had never been a nail biter, but without the ceiling tiles to calm him, he'd resorted to more abusive measures.

When he had bitten the nails down to bloody stubs, he stood in pursuit of something else to occupy his mind until Rowan was back safe. Before he realized what he was doing, Taniel had grabbed two cans of paint from the closet.

Edie. The Underground. Olive. Hamza. His Dad. Rowan. There were so many voices competing for space inside his head, and the cacophony had finally driven him over the edge. He stared at the wall, willing his mind to empty.

And for once, it did. The smooth wooden handle of the brush in his hand, a weapon. The expanse of wall an army to be conquered. He submitted himself to the art, not thinking, just doing. The lack of control was freedom. It had been a long time since he had felt such peace.

Scooter came to watch, and went. No interruptions, no sound. By this point, he must have understood Taniel was in a place no should could reach him, not even himself.

There was nothing but the paint, and the gentle flap of wings taking him away.

Slowly the paint strokes got softer and smaller. The quiet enveloped Taniel in an embrace of a long lost friend. He rolled his neck from shoulder to shoulder, willing the haze away. He walked back to bed, dream-like.

At first he was floating, then he started to fall. Deeper and deeper into a state of in-between.