Damon's Diaries

Chapter 1

1st August 2013

Dear Diary,

I’m not a believer. I’m not a believer, but I believe in 3 things.

First. People are humans, and humans are people. They all born, grow up and die. All of them die, one day or another, one way or another. Nobody escapes. You can run during all your life to escape, death runs after you too, until she catches you. She’s the hunter who catches his prey, whatever the price. Nobody escapes. This is Life, with a big “L”. You are destined to die. This is your only certainty.

Secondly. Life is blood and blood is life. For humans, blood is life; without blood you die: no blood, no life. Lose your blood, die. All things always bring you up to death. For people like us, blood is life…or blood is death. If we don’t drink blood, we decline, and then die again. Hunt, catch, kill, drink, This is our destiny. Forever.

Third, and at least, I believe in love. Love really exists. Love is the most dangerous feeling in the galaxy. Love’s bad.

I loved my father: he died, killing me before

I loved Katherine: she betrayed my trust, my love, my mind and my soul. She turned me!

I loved my brother: he betrayed my trust and my love. He finished my transition, without asking me, without knowing my position, my opinion.

I love Stefan, until now, and look! He follows me, wherever I go. He follows me to oblige me to become like him. To become weak! As weak as a human. To drink animal blood. No! Never! Damon Salvatore has an honor to keep. Damon Salvatore saves his honor. Damon Salvatore’s a vampire. A real vampire. A vampire who drinks PEOPLE’S blood. He doesn’t kill them anymore, just feed of them. Damon Salvatore’s a strong vampire.

I love Elena, and I’ll love her with all my heart…or what it left from it, until my second death. She’s the only love I have and I’ll ever have. She’s the one. Still the one. But I’ll let her do her choice. I’m a gentleman. I think she already chose, but I’ll let her all the time she needs. Maybe one day, I will have a chance. Even if I know that I will never deserve her love, I want to show Stefan that I can be a good boyfriend, that I can love her and protect her, that she can trust me, that she can love me. I’m not selfish. Not with her. But, sometimes, I regret that I erased her memory. Maybe the things I said were selfish, but, sometimes, I need her to know that. I LOVE her. 

But she chose Stefan. She chose my brother. She chose Saint Stefan. I understand. He can give her a quiet and calm life, a settled life, without any real problem. Their biggest problem will be: “Are we going to paint the living room in white or in gray?” 

I don’t. If she chooses me, she won’t have anything of these. She will travel a lot with me, around the world. She will become a vampire; she will meet new friends, new populations, and especially new enemies. Like me. That’s what happened when I travelled with Katherine, Katherine Pierce. She will be constantly exposed to danger, to risk, to unknown. That is my life: Movement, Danger, Risk, Unknown and Blood.