Small bump • rucas

F I V E| I lava you

R I L E Y.

So you know those situations where you someone asks you something and you become lathered in fear, like when your mum would find out that you stole her lipstick and drew all over the wall and she charged downstairs and asked who did it. This was a situation exactly like that, I have always found in this situation that I have one of two reactions, I either freeze up and have no excuses coming to my head or I freeze up and have a billion excuses coming to my head. Now you would think that the least favourable one would be the no ideas, but no, my least favourite reaction is the billion ideas, because you end up something like this.

'I don't really, I mean, I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't mean to eat the celery, it was Maya.' I blabbed before Slumping and face palming my self, the hell was that Riley.

'Ok slow down first of all, you aren't in big trouble, I wouldn't put that stress on the baby.' Lucas jokes rubbing my small bump, well I mean I'm not in trouble but it would be nice to know it was because of me, smehhhhh Lucas.

'Also I don't like getting calls from cheese soufflés telling me he's tracked down your location. It's weird and intrusive.' Lucas scoffed moving his hand from my stomach to my dainty hand, I didn't even think about it but my hand just instinctively did. I opened my mouth to tell Lucas that I saw him and what he had said but his fingers clamped my lips together, what a rude human like Come on, to show that I was clearly unamused I rolled my eyes while he giggled. I realise I was in no way supposed to be angry considering I have been keeping a massive secret of mine from him, for many years now. To be fair though no one knows about it, like Maya kind of knows but otherwise no one.

'Princess can I talk for a little and then you talk.' Lucas calmly spoke staring straight into my doe eyes, practically hypnotising me on the spot, well played Lucas well played. A huff was the only approval I could muster at this point, I was never a massive fan of talking about my problems and found it quite tiring, I mean it's good that I am so selfless but I wish I was better at pouring out my feelings.

'So, why would you not tell me about your anxiety and depression, I know you have a good reason but Riley it hurt that you didn't tell me. I wouldn't have judged or been pushy or anything like that and I could've helped you, I know That it was hard but I truly thought that you trusted me enough. I don't know why or how this came about and even though right now I'm mad at you for not telling me I know that you have a reason, as I've said a thousands times, just know that I'm here for you.' He declared his hand slowly moving from my hand to my face, I relished at his touch and fell into his embrace, The things this boy does to me. I gave him a goofy smile and shot my hand up, which earned a gorgeous giggle from Lucas, he nodded his head and said yes Riley, indicating that I should talk.

'Ok, Lucas, me not telling you had nothing to do with not trusting you or not wanting to, my anxiety pretty much prevents me from doing it. Telling you stresses me out because it puts you in a position to judge, it also puts me in a highly vulnerable position and you gain a massive power over me. My therapist says that most people who go around and talk about their anxiety openly, don't actually have anxiety, sure there are some cases where people can talk about it to whoever and over time you get better but it's not easy to talk about. Also when I tell people it becomes this massive reality, it's not just me who knows and it's stuck inside me, it's everyone. When I feel a panic attack coming on I can't pretend it's fake or pretend it never happens so my friends don't find out, it becomes a thing. My depression is something I deal with privately and I don't talk about it at all, it scares me a lot and I always feel so god damn tired, it's worried me the past couple of weeks that our baby will develop this and I don't want our baby to be unhappy.' I sighed concluding my rant, the pain clenching in my chest didn't go unnoticed but it wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be. I watched Lucas carefully wipe away the stray tears that had floated down from his glad covered orbs, I wanted so bad to wipe them away but I couldn't in fear of movement hurting my chest.