Have you ever wanted to fly a plane? Drive a racecar? Go to the moon? Travel the world? Eat a New York hotdog with everything while fleeing a battle between the Avengers and an alien invasion? Ride a magical turnip that just ate Mr. Krabbs? Fight an army of killer clown robots?
What if I told you that all of this is possible with imagination
or my wonderful WonderGum.
My WonderGum can make miracles happen. WonderGum gives people confidence. It gives people the will to live.
WonderGum also comes in an extremely large variety. There is ham flavor and spinach flavor for those who don't like ham or don't eat it for religious/philosophical purposes. Those are our only flavors.
So all of you potentially suicidal recluses should buy WonderGum to brighten your lives and future.
All you have to do is wire ninety-nine payments of $299.99
to my swiss bank account. You can get more information at my e-mail address, Don't_sue_me@yahoo.com.
*WARNING*
WonderGum does not give people actual confidence. If you are experiencing confidence you are delusional and probably should see a doctor and a squad of paramedics.
WonderGum emits small amounts of radiation. Can lead to glowing testicles if male, glowing ovaries if female.
WonderGum is highly addictive. Do not use more than one half once of WonderGum to avoid overdose.
WonderGum includes mildly harmful substances including arsenic, sulfuric acid, cyanide, cocaine, heroin, marijuana, morphine, more cocaine, and diesel fuel.
WonderGum can spontaneously combust. If this happen, grab your stuff and run. One stick of WonderGum can level a city block. To be honest, even if you ran, you wouldn't get very far.
Prolonged exposure to WonderGum can lead to multiple side effects including the development of HIV/AIDS, all forms of cancer, and irreversible genetic mutations that will lead to imprisonment in government facilities.
If not contained WonderGum will infect the planet with a zombie-like plague that will destroy humanity and civilization as we know it.
WonderGum is also known to give its users a mild rash.
I am in my legal rights to produce and sell this perfectly safe product that has never harmed a person before.
Please don't sue me.
YOU ARE READING
The Lost Records
Short StoryThis is a collection of stories that involve gory or unusual characters and plots. Each story is unique in its own way and shows the reader a different perspective.
