I was shaky. I now wished I could escape. I wish I could go blank. All of the things I could think of where the worst. I tried to block them. Impossible. I just want to disappear, leave. Not die exactly, just not be. I couldn't go back to normal, what the hell was he thinking. How could my parents do this to me? Just tell me but leave out the details and say yeah now carry on with your life. If I could go blank right now I would. I want to leave my head. Wow I never thought I'd say that.
I walked to the back of the maths building. And there was a group of lads, intimidating. But I no longer cared about myself and now was not the time to be shy. I need an escape, and I think this is where I could find one. I couldn't stand this waiting. Not for four hours. I walked up to them. They were all smoking, weed I suspected. Great just what I need. I smile slightly to myself. One of the lads saw me, and a weird look spread across his face. Hmmm no one has ever looked at me like that before. Not that I noticed anyway. Like I said I'm a day dreamer. As I walked closer, his smile began to grow, and others started looking at me, I think, I didn't really take them in. I was just looking at him. He was gorgeous; "could I have some?" he looked at me kinda puzzled. But then gave a soft smile and handed it to me. I tried to take a drag but I'd never done it before and was shocked as I started chocking. He laughed a little. "You're not inhaling right, breathe it in and hold it for as long as you can, that way you get more of an effect." He showed me with gestures and I copied what he had done. Oh my god. It felt amazing, I had some more and before I knew it, it was gone. "oops, sorry." I said. He laughed softly again, "that's ok looks like you needed it more than me." He kept staring at me with a smile on his face. Why was he doing it? I had butterflies in my stomach but I think that was because of... him. I wasn't happy, but everything just seemed somehow more bearable. I started to spin around and around as fast as I could. Everything was blurry, until I was extremely dizzy. Everyone was still there and my guess was that they were all staring at me thinking who the hell this crazy girl was? But I didn't care I didn't notice them anyway. I started to fall to the floor. He caught me before my head hit the concrete. I heard a soft voice "careful" I just smiled and close my eyes. I was... free.
I woke up. He was sat up looking at me on the floor. He smiled. I realised my head was on his lap. I looked round and everyone else had left. He chuckled again. I sat up a little too quickly. "oh". Again that soft laugh. "Shit, what time is it?"
"Erm, bout five past two, why?"
"I have to go sorry." I started to run when I heard him shout. "Hey my name's Ben. What's yours?" I smiled to myself and then just turned my head round and stuck my tongue out at him. He just smiled.
I got to the reception area. My mum glared at me. I could tell she had been crying. She really loved my brother, I wonder if she would cry over me like this. I thought not. I just needed contact right now, and I could tell she did too so I just went straight to her and gave her a hug. She started to cry into my hair. And I felt a single tear run down my cheek. I'm not heartless I just find it hard to express my emotions. She held me out at arms distance sighed and wiped her cheeks. "You're late. As always." Then she started to walk out. I guess I was just meant to follow.
The car journey was quiet. And I still didn't know what the fuck had happened. But mum didn't seem like she would talk. It was the longest car journey ever. When we finally arrived I followed my mum through the hospital still in silence. We waited in a waiting room. What was with all this waiting? It was driving me crazy honestly. I started getting fidgety again. As if on cue a doctor came in. I looked up expectantly. "He's stable; he's sleeping at the moment. The extent of his injuries is severe." I knew that idiot headmaster was wrong. "You can go in and see him, but he won't be able to respond to you. And we won't know the full situation until he is strong enough for us to investigate further." But there doesn't seem to be anymore internal injuries."
My mum went straight in, I heard her gasp in shock. I could just stand outside the front door and stare. I'm not sure I can go inside it would make it all real. I didn't want it to be real. I longed to be back with Ben. Why would I be thinking about him when my brother was through that door in pain? I just needed someone who didn't depend on me. I stepped towards the door still not able to open it. Finally I pushed the door open and stepped inside. I couldn't look straight at him so I looked around the room which didn't make me feel much better. Machines where everywhere, this was what was stopping him from dying? He's been reduced to being run by machines. I looked at him. Shock over came me... again. I could just stand there and stare as tears started to run down my cheeks. Mum was knelt over the side of his bed. I walked to the other side ever so slowly. "Mum. What happened?"
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