Living with body Dysmorphia

Nobody wants damaged goods

It's like a way of discipline for not being able to be naturally perfect despite trying my best to be so Bc that's the only way I ever see people care about me. Nobody cares about you if you're falling down but everyone cares when you're climbing to the top. idk I get in moods where instead of
cut myself I just skip a meal. Nobody wants to be seen with you when you fall down in front of the whole school accepting an award lets say but everyone wants to be seen with you when you're the one who's receiving the reward and there's no mishaps. Nobody wants anything less then perfect or amazing. I've realized this so I don't care if someone's perfect or not. but a lot of people subconsciously choose perfection over almost just as good The pressure to be so is shattering And it's not something people can just wake up and realize Unfortunately. Nobody wants damaged goods. But the pressure to not be damaged goods in turn does damages me. I can't win. And it makes me lose hope in everything. And instead of cut I starve. Twisted i know But it's the one thing I can do to feel like I have control over my body sometimes. Or over my life.