Sink or Swim (S.M)

fifteen

My duvet covers me from the cold of my flat.

My baggy hoodie and leggings cover me from the feeling of emptiness.

My cries cover my ears from hearing the constant knocks on the door.

But nothing can cover me from the feeling of failure.

I haven't seen anyone for four days. It has been a silent ninety-six hours and it doesn't feel like time has passed. Simon hasn't came. Or maybe he has and I just haven't heard him. I know it's usually Harry at the door, I can just tell. I don't quite know how to feel at this exact point in time. I felt angry for about two hours, I broke things, smashed things, threw things-it didn't make me feel any different. I cry a lot, unintentionally, but I do.

Simon:

I sit on the edge of my bed, the eerily silent house making my stomach twist. I haven't spoken to Violet in four days. I should be with her, holding her-loving her. I miss her. But I also miss the idea of having a child-even if it was a millisecond idea. Nothing feels right now. Everything feels like it's missing something. Nothing is complete anymore. But, that isn't Violet's fault.

I walk up the stairs to find Harry, JJ, Freezy, Tobi and Ethan sitting outside of her flat door. They all look at me with worried and shocked expressions.

"Simon?" JJ nervously says as I walk to the door.

"What?" I mumble back.

"Are you-do you need anything?" He asks, obviously not sure of what he should say to me.

"I just need Violet." I sigh, trying to open the door but finding she's locked it.

"She hasn't came out for four days." Harry grumbles.

"She's grieving, man." Freezy nudges his shoulder, to which Harry nods.

"What if she isn't okay? How are we supposed to know?" Harry responds.

I slide my phone out of my pocket and text her, hoping she'll reply:

Simon: vi

Simon: open the door

Simon: please

I don't get a response and find myself sliding down the wall and joining the others on the floor. It's cold and I don't feel at all comfortable but I don't know what else to do, I don't know where else to be but here; waiting for her.

I wake up to people talking and find myself awkwardly lying on a sofa. I sit up and groan, rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands. I stand up and turn to see the boys in the kitchen and realise I'm in Harry's flat.

"What?" I say, their faces looking like they've seen a ghost at my appearance.

"Nothing." Ethan mumbles.

"Okay." I mumble back, walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Tobi asks, as I open the front door.

"Violet's." I reply, slamming the door before they can protest.

I walk down the one flight of stairs and find myself back outside of her door.

Simon: it's just me

Simon: don't shut me out

Simon: we can just lie together, like we used to

Ten minutes pass before something happens.

The door opens.

I look up to something that breaks every little bone in my body and makes my blood curdle and clog up my vessels. Violet stands in a hoodie that is way too big for her, consuming her tiny figure, she also has a pair of worn-out, off-black leggings that are loose on her little legs. Her hair is wrapped in some weird bun and pieces are sticking up everywhere. Her eyes are so bloodshot that they look permanently red; they look like they've cried so much that it hurts. Her hands are hidden in the sleeves of her hoodie and she doesn't look at me. She doesn't say a word, she just moves to the side, signalling for me to enter. I stand up and walk forward, she shuts the door behind me.