Run Away

Chapter 20

This is it. The day I've been preparing for but I'm still not ready for it. The day Robbie and I have to say goodbye. I want to desperately be with him, but I just can't. Long distance never works. What if he meets someone? What if I meet someone? It's just better if we break off whatever we have right now. Do I want to do this? Absolutely not. In a perfect world I'd move to London with him. I'd want to be where ever he is. I'd want to travel the world with him. But I don't live in a perfect world. I have a job here that I can't leave. I love New York. I still have friends here. I can't just pack up and leave.

I look over at him sleeping and sigh. I'm going to miss this. I'd love to wake up next to him everyday. He opens his eyes and blinks.

"Hey."

"Hi." I say.

"How long were you up?"

"Just a few minutes. Not much. I just wanted to let you sleep." I tell him.

"You could have woken me up. I'm fine with it." he says.

"I wasn't going to wake you up. I don't care if you're not up when I'm up."

"Are you excited?"

"For what?"

"Going back to London with me?" I freeze. Why would he think I'm going back with him. Did I tell him? Did he just assume?

"What? You mean you right? You're going back to London."

"No." he shakes his head, "I thought you were coming back with me. Are you not?"

"No. Why would you think I'm coming back with you?" I raise my eyebrow.

"I don't know. I just thought you would. Why can't you?"

"I have a job here and it's so important to me. I have a life in New York. I want to go back with you. You don't even know how much I want to go back with you. But I can't."

"What's holding you back?"

"Nothing! I just have to be here. It's not the right time."

"Who care about timing? Come with me." he begs.

"I'm so sorry. I can't." tears start to form in my eyes, "You have no idea how bad I want to. But I'm meant to be here for now. You have things to do in London."

"So were you just leading me on?" he crosses his arms.

"No! I tried to push you away in the beginning but you grew on me. My feelings for you were too strong to ignore. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't know any of this was going to happen. I was planning on staying a week. But I stayed a full month because of you."

"I better head to the airport I don't wanna miss my flight." he looks away from me.

"Do you want me to drive you there?" I ask.

"I'll call a cab." he says coldly.

Minutes later Robbie gathers all his stuff, "Bye Serena." he mumbles and heads out the door.

"Robbie!" I yell after him. He doesn't turn around. He just keeps walking. It's no use he won't ever want to talk to me again. I don't blame him. He's too far gone. By the time I open the door I see the cab drive away and get smaller and smaller.

I miss how he kissed me with passion the way he would sometimes smile between kisses. I miss the way he made me feel being around him. I miss his smile and how it made me feel instantly better. I miss the way he held me in his arms. He made me feel protected and safe. I completely ruined this. I know this is all my fault. He has every right to never want to see me again. If I were him I'd do the same. But what we had is something I'll never forgot. It's something I'll cherish. He taught me things I don't think I would have ever learned if I didn't meet him. I don't regret meeting him for a second.

__________

It's been five years since I saw Robbie. I've texted him a few times and emailed him, but no response. It was something I should have expected. We didn't end well last time we were together. I miss him everyday. I alway wonder what if I went with him to London. Sometimes I wish I could fly to London and knock on his door and run back into his arms. I truly hope he found his happiness.

My friend Amy calls, "Hey where are you? Kaylie has been looking all over for you. You're still showing up right?"

"Oh I forgot. I'll be right over." I rush around the house trying to get a nice going out outfit to celebrate Kaylie's promotion. I grab a quick card from a drug store on the way there and put a gift card inside. As I seal up the envelope and start to put it in my purse I bump into someone.

"I'm so sor-" I look at the strangers face and realize who it was, "Robbie?"

"Serena, wow, you look great." he says.

"Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself." I feel like I have to pinch myself. Is it really him? Am I dreaming?

"Anyway how are you?" he asks.

"I'm good. What about you? How are you? What are you doing in New York?"

"I'm doing well. I'm actually on a business trip. I'm officially in charge of my dad's business. It's going well."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"How is your job?"

"It's doing well. I'm an publisher right now at HarperCollins. It's great. I really enjoy it."

"I'm glad."

He starts to leave but I don't want to let him go again. I've learned from my mistakes.

"Um... uh do you want to get some coffee with me? We could catch up." I ask.

"Yeah that would be nice." he says as turns around and has a tiny smile on his face.