Alice in Wonderland

12

I stepped into the door step of the huge mansion.

This is it. I've waited a whole month for this. I took a deep breath and looked back at the limo in the front of the house. I turned my focus back to the huge door in front of me. I pressed the doorbell.

"Who is it?" A ladies sweet voice came on the intercom next to the door. I pressed the little button an spoke into the speaker.

"Um Mrs. Jennings? I would like to speak with you." I said in a shaky voice.

"Sorry we already bought Girl Scout cookies." She said sweetly.

"Oh uh no I'm not a Girl Scout. And I'm not trying to sell anything. It's um uh Alice." I said hoping she would know who I am.

"Who? Say that again?" She said her voice cracking.

"It's me. Alice. Do you remember? You gave me up?" I asked my voice cracking as well.

"One second please." She said quickly. I heard footsteps and then the door opened. A lady in lounge pants and a tee- shirt stood in the door way. Her blond hair was in a messy bun on top of her head. She had a infant on her hip. Which had to be a boy cause it was wearing blue train footy pajamas.

"Alice." She said covering her mouth with the hand that wasn't holding the baby. I nodded. I saw a tear slip from her eye.

"Are you Amy Jennings?" I asked hopefully. She nodded.

Right then and there I couldn't hold it in any longer. I cried. I know pathetic right? But I broke down crying.

She pulled me into a hug. And I could tell she was crying to. After our little hugging and sobbing was over she told me to come in. I sat down on the couch as she put the baby in a crib which was in right next to the couch across from me. I kept my hands on my lap. Afraid if I touched something it might brake. Everything looked so expensive.

" how did you find me?" She asked sitting on the couch across from me.

"Papers." I said shrugging.

"Your 18 already? I must have lost count I only thought you were 13 by now." She said with a chuckle.

"Oh no. I'm actually 13. My birthday was a month ago." I said.

"But how-"

"I got adopted." I said. She smiled.

"But by who? Are they nice?" She asked with a smile.

"One direction. And yea their nice." I assured her.

"I knew you would get adopted right away. From the moment I have you." She said with a huge smile.

"Actually they just adopted me about a year ago." I said. Her smile faded. " but why?" I asked just wanting to get the question over with.

She gave me a confused look.

"Why did you give me up? Was I bad? Was I not good enough?" I said getting all teary.

"No. No. I wasn't ready. I thought I was but I wasn't. I wasn't prepared to be a mom!" She said as her eyes full with tears. She wiped them away and continued. "I felt like my life went to fast. I had a lot more things I wanted to do. And I wasn't ready to be a mom."

"But what about my dad?" I asked annoyed as I stood up " why couldn't he take me! I wasn't ready to be thrown in an orphanage! Do you know what it felt like to think every day 'I'm not good enough!" I shouted.

"Alice. Please. Let me explain." She said as calmly as she could. I sat back down.

"Go on explain why to threw me in an orphanage instead of giving me to someone who cared." I said.

"Your dad died before you were born." She told me.

"What?" I asked in disbelief.

"He died in a car accident before you were born. I couldn't be a single mom! I wasn't ready to face it alone." She said. I looked away. I let out a shaky breath.

"What about him? Why isn't he thrown in an orphanage as well?" I asked pointing to the baby in the crib.

"I got remarried a year ago. He's my son. His name is Marcus." She said smiling as she picked up the baby.

"My dad's name was Mark." I said more to myself then her. Her eyes filled with sadness.

"Yes. how did you know that?" She asked.

"The paper." I stated. "Is that why you name him Marcus. As in Mark?" I asked. She nodded.

"He may not be here but I never replace him and he's always on my mind." She said.

"They don't love me." I whispered.

"Who?" She asked.

"The boys." I said.

"Of course they do." She told me

"I better go." I said standing. I looked out the window and saw that the limo was gone. I checked my phone.

Louis: Txt us when your ready to go we decided to drive around the neighborhood to give you guys some time! Luv ya! Remember we're just a txt away! Xoxo

I locked my phone and put it back in my pocket.

"Everything ok?" Amy asked.

"Uh yea. Do you mind dropping me somewhere?" I asked.

"Of course! The boys said it's ok?" She asked smiling.

"Uh yea. I just need you to run me somewhere their going to pick me up from there." I said smiling. She grabbed her purse and Marcus and we headed to the car. I put my hood up and tried to hide my face. Just in case the boys showed up. I didn't want them to know.

"Where do you want me to drop you?" Amy asked as she got into the drivers seat.

"Uh the bus stop next to the pizza place on Drews Ave." I told her. She gave me a curious look at she started the car.

"Isn't that around the block from the orphanage?" She asked.

"Uh um uh yea but the boys grabbed pizza and I'm just going to meet them there." I said flashing a smile. She gave me one more curious look before driving away.
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" ok well here we are." Amy said putting the car in park. I thanked her and hopped out of the car.

"Alice! Here take this." She said handing me a photo. I looked at the photo.

"Is this-"

"Yes. It's your dad." She said. I smiled and put the photo in my back pocket of my jeans. I watched as she pulled away. once she was put of sight. I starting running down the block. Soon enough I stood in front of the building I had been looking for.

I looked up at the Stars Orphanage and made my way up the stairs.

"Hi." I said getting the attention of the lady at the desk. She looked up and smiled.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"Uh yea. I'm here to sign myself back in." I said. She looked at me confused.

"Your name?" She asked.

"Alice. Alice Jen- I mean 424." I said remembering my number. Once I got the whole situation down and everything I was free to go back to my regular chores.
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"Look she's back."

"They probably didn't want her."

"I bet she was a pain in the ass."

All the whispers went around as I sorted out the laundry.

"I bet-"

I covered my ears to block out the whispers. I let the tears fall. I didn't care if they saw me cry. I threw the laundry down and ran out of the room. I ran to my bedroom and sat on my bed. I hid my face in my knees and screamed.

Buzz! Buzz!

I slid my phone from my pocket. And looked at it. (Yes I got to keep the phone and the boys pay for it they still haven't stopped texting me I Usually ignore it)

Louis: where r u
Zayn: Alice answer
Liam: plz
Harry: love plz we miss u
Niall: just tell us where u r

I put the phone on my bed and quietly made my way to the bathroom. I grabbed the black Sharpie I hid behind the toilet. I pulled up my sleeve and began writing over the other hundred words that were already there.

Hate
Worthless
No one cares
Why bother
Stuck
Depression

The list went on and on. Once I ran out of words I threw the Sharpie across the room.

"DINNER WILL BE SERVED!" Nina yelled. I dragged my self to the dining hall and grabbed a plate. I went to the corner of the room and sat in the corner. I did what I usually do. I sat stared at my food. I pushed a few pieces of the chicken around.

"Alice. If you don't eat your going to lack nutrition." Nina's vice echoed through my head. She came up to me and bent down. She gave the same look she always gives me because I don't eat. And I played along. I did what I always do. I put my plate down and walked away.